Right love at the wrong time
"Hi! I'm from La Salle (Bacolod) but the person involved is from FEU. Former basketball prayer.
This is about the guy I once dated for almost a year. Let's call him, M.
I met M in one of the previous companies I've worked with. We were colleagues for quite some time pero we never had the chance na mag usap kasi we had different circle of friends. Then one day, almost patapos na yung shift, someone from his friends approached me and asked me my name. Since I'm the type of person na friendly, I gave him my name. After that, when I was getting ready to leave the office, this guy called me and introduced M. So ayun, I and M became good friends simula nun. Hanggang sa na notice nga ng mga colleagues namin yung closeness namin sa isa't isa. They teased us. At first, wala lang. Hanggang umabot na sa point na biglang naging awkward na pag tinutukso kami so I decided to keep my distance muna.
At that time, I was struggling because I and my (ex) boyfriend broke up. So difficult. Months passed and slowly, I was getting better, enjoying the single life. Same routine. Getting stronger each day. Then Friday came, last day of the week. 30 minutes before my shift ended, lumapit si M sakin. Nagulat ako. Although awkward, I managed to say Hi and asked him kung kumusta siya. He din't answer. He just stared at me. So I asked him again baka kasi hindi niya narinig yung sinabi ko. Nag smile siya sabay sabing, ""you look stunning."" And dun na nag start lahat.
Inamin niya na matagal na niya akong gusto. Wala lang siyang guts na lumapit. Tapos nung lumayo daw ako sa kanya bigla-bigla, nahirapan siya. Hanggang sa hindi na niya kaya so he decided to talk to me. He admitted what he felt. I told him my story. Sabi ko hindi pa ako ready kasi kaka break lang namin ng (ex) boyfriend ko. Sabi niya he will wait. Kahit gaano pa daw katagal.
6 months kaming nagde date. Comftable naman ako sa kanya. Career driven, Family Oriented, Responsible, Tidy, Matangkad, Maputi, Matalino, Mabait and guapo. Sabi nga nila perfect na daw siya para sa akin. Pero hindi ko alam bakit walang spark. I tried. I never dated anyone after ng break up namin ng ex ko until I met him. I dated him, exclusively. Every night tinatanung ko sarili ko kung ready na ba ako. My mind says yes pero yung puso ko, ayaw pa. Hindi dahil sa mahal ko pa ang ex ko, kundi dahil hindi ko pa kaya magmahal ulit. Everyday na nagdidinner kami, hinahatid niya ako pauwi, sinusundo pag weekend para mag roadtrip, times na he would surprise me sa umaga magdadala ng breakfast then sabay kaming pupunta ng office. Hanggang sa siguro hindi na nakahintay si M. For almost a year of dating and waiting, finally, he was able to gather himself and asked me the same question I heard from my ex boyfriend 4 years ago.
We were dining in Sofitel resto at that night when he asked me ""would you be my girlfriend?"" I din't respond. There was long silence. I was shocked. Confused. Nervous. I din't know what to say. Or how would I say it na maiintindihan niya. Na hindi siya masasaktan. I just told him na tatapusin na muna namin yung dinner then pag usapan na lang namin sa car. So ayun. I tried to make him happy kahit alam ko na kinakabahan na siya. Kahit ako, gusto ko ng lumayo. Pero I can't. I need to tell him everything.
When we were in his car, hindi na ako nagpaligoy ligoy pa. I held his hands, while looking at him. Naiiyak ako kasi wala sa intention ko na saktan ang taong nagpasaya sakin ng sobra. The guy who stood by me during my ups and downs. A guy who deserves genuine happiness because he has a good heart.
I told him what I honestly felt for him that moment. He cried. I can see how hurt, disappointed he was. I tried to reach out to him and comfort him but he said he doesn't need it. We were silent while we were on our way back to my place. He turned the radio on, and deym, it was Nina's version of somewhere down the road that was playing.
When we reached my house, I tried to hold his hands but he refused. He signaled me to go down. I went out and and the only word that I was able to utter was, ""goodnight""
I don't know if you're a fan of FEUSF. I'm just trying my luck to reach out to you, for me to be able to let you know my side. I'm hoping that fate would find its way to you, pushing you to read my confession.
M, I'm sorry for hurting you. I din't mean it. Hindi kita pinaasa. I'm sorry kung hindi ko naibalik ang pagmamahal and attention na binigay mo all throughout. I was just honest to myself and ayokong pilitin ang isang bagay na alam ko namang hindi. From the beginning you already knew the status of my heart and everything. Siguro wrong timing lang yung pagdating mo sa buhay ko. I tried. Actually many times. I even made myself believe that I'm already inlove with you. Pero wala. They said it's my loss. That I'm choosy. Hard to get. But they din't know. They din't understand what I was going through that time. Okay lang tinatanggap ko naman na may mali ako. After nung night na yun, umiyak ka. Nag beg. Pero hindi pa rin nagbago decision ko. I'm sorry for being tough. Sinabi mo I'm selfish ako kasi ganun ako. The next day I texted you pero di kana nag reply. I called your number pero unattended. I tried sending you message through FB & twitter, but you blocked me. Even on your personal mail. I tried checking your office, but you weren't there. You were on indefinite leave. I asked your boss, he din't even know what happened. Until I couldn't take it anymore, I resigned. Now, it has been 2 years. Again, I'm sorry.
I just want to thank you for being so patient and understanding the whole time na nagdedate tayo. For taking good care of me. For not taking advantage of my weakness. For respecting my choices and decisions. For showing me a different world. A world that's full of happines and a life that's meant to be enjoyed. For letting me face the things that I'm scared of. For making me realize that I'm still young, and the whole world is infront me. That I have to gather myself, look ahead, move forward and live again. Thank you so much for giving me wonderful and unforgettable memories. You will always have a special place in my heart.
I hope and pray that someday, when our paths would cross again, you'd be able to smile back at me. I heard you're a successful businessman now. Still a bachelor. And one of your friends told me that you're still waiting for that perfect moment. Right woman. Right love at the right time."
Amulet, Lucky Charm
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