An open letter to my Papa P
"Thanks in advance feusf kung sakali mang maipost to, i just need to vent and warning medyo mahaba.
Dear Papa P,
We decide to pretend in front of everybody that we are a couple, married couple to be exact, for you to hide your real sexuality and for me to stop my family from asking me to marry someone.
At first it was awkward. The first 2 years, we had barely minimum contact, a simple text every 2 weeks or a month to see if the other one is still alive. We were ok with the set up that we are ""together"" but barely know each other, we have valid excuses not to be together at that time, reasons that requires me to stay with my family (my family's home is closer to my work and yours is close to ours, and oh btw i have a child from a previous relationship that my family help me take care of) we were able to get away with it, but then after few years we needed to stay together for unseen circumstances, we were together like a real couple, texted and talked, had dinner together like a real family, and damn! even sleep in the same bed.
As i get to know you, i found out we are exactly the opposite, you are very straight forward and im not, you speak your heart out to a point you will argue but i usually give up the conversation when i feel a tension building up. You are very verbal to what you feel and i rarely tell you what i really think, but you get me, you know when im upset, when im sad and everything else, You are very practical and i am very emotional. We are like oil and water. You are the very opposite of my dream guy. I hate it, but slowly ive been having/developing this feeling, this feeling that i admire every piece of you and hate every single thing you do at the same time. Sometimes i get the feeling that you care and then after few days you seem like you dont even care at all, its like a push and pull kind of game to you, and i dont really know what and why, i dont want to assume anything and at the same time i dont want to confront you for the fear of getting rejected and knowing that you are gay and i had the slimmest chance, ill just keep this to myself and hope it doesnt grow any further, just few more years and we can stop all this pretending. I couldnt say this to your face but i love you!
Sorry kung mahaba, naipon lang ng matagal and congrats sa mga nagbasa ng buo kung meron man. _"
The great pretender
2004
Institute of Nursing (IN)
FEU Manila
