To the person inside me, How do I accept you?
"Hi, its me. You. It's been around 20 years or so that I waited for you but you still hasn't arrived. When I was young, I used to think that I know you. Which I think I kind of did. It's actually even silly to think that my younger self knows you better than my present. Other people would say that upon growing up you'd be able to know more about yourself. But why do I think it's the opposite of what's happening to me.
Why do I feel like I'm being a stranger to my own self?
Why does everything feels so wrong?
But you know what, I don't think looking for you is my real problem, because some part of me knows who you are. I know I do. And the thing is, it's so hard for me to accept you.
The YOU that have deviated so much from her younger self.
The YOU that I enjoy but feels wrong on the inside.
The YOU that doesn't know how to be fearless as before.
The YOU whose mind is so corrupted by fantasies of temporary pleasures.
The YOU that I know is in there but doesn't know how to speak her heart out.
The YOU who seeks acceptance of people who doesn't even deserve her.
The YOU who doesn't value the true people in her life.
The YOU who enjoys the comfort of material things.
The YOU who's screaming on the inside
The YOU I never expected.
The YOU who's lost.
Who are YOU anymore? How do I changed you? Or least, how do I accept you?"
LOST
2011
Institute of Arts and Sciences (IAS)
FEU Manila
