Especial
"STORY OF A GAY MAN
When I was a child, I never thought that I am a gay. Hindi ko nga alam kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng gay nun eh. But I know that there is something wrong with me. Inaasar ako ng mga kalaro ko and even some narrow minded adults. Tsaka ko napagtanto nung napansin ko na nagkakagusto ako sa mga lalaki. Yung mas naa-appreciate ko yung handsome face kaysa sa beautiful face.
Palagi akong tampulan ng tukso nun. Pati ang Tatay ko nagagalit sa akin kapag may mga kilos akong taliwas sa pagiging isang lalaki.
Because of those experiences, I developed psychological defense mechanisms. I tend to isolate myself from the crowd. I don't talk to people much. I learned to become a soloist. To be a solitary person. I grow up into an introvert person. Afraid of being judged by the people around me. Because I know na napakababa ng tingin nila sa mga katulad ko, natin. Not knowing that I am too is different among other gays.
I also grew up hating myself. Hating myself that I am gay and even hating God for making me gay. Palagi kong sinasabi, ""napaka-unfair mo, bakit sila? Madami sila, pero normal. Normal silang nabubuhay. Pero ako, palaging nasasaktan, takot sa tao, ang hirap hirap. Galit ka ba sa akin? Wala naman akong ginawang mali. I hate you!""
Yeah. It was a very difficult life.
But I realized that, that is just too much. Well, I guess growing up as an introvert person has also a good side. I learned by myself how to accept and love myself. That there is nothing wrong with me. That I am just living with hate and fear in which I am caged. How can other people love me if I don't even love myself? I should stop listening to what other people are saying. That I should go out there, that being different is not a mistake. I realized that I have my own beauty. I just need to help my own. God loves me, I should know, I just have to trust on his plans. smile emoticon
Now I am proud of myself, that I am different. Beautiful in my own way.
""A rose in the field of daisy flowers doesn't make it ugly or unworthy. It may be different among the rest, but it's beautiful in its own way. One just need to look past its difference and appreciate its own beauty."""
Destiny Rose
2014
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