Scarlett Johansson | One-Shots (1)

⚠️ NR - Hold On Pt. 2

Warning: self-harm, suicide

Hi guys. Before reading this one, I just want to say if anyone's going through anything like this, please know you are not alone. If you need someone, reach out. My messages are always open if needed. I love you.

You are not alone ❤️

Help is at the bottom.
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Natasha:
The doctors at the hospital tried so hard to keep Callie there but for once, I'm glad Tony has the ability to be incredibly pushy. He managed to get them to let us keep her at home rather than on suicide watch.

Cal sits in the back of our Chevy Suburban with me. I have my arm around her and she's lightly leaning into me. Tony, Steve, and I are all talking but Cal stays silent the whole trip, as much as we've tried to include her.

When we get to the compound, she's the first to get out of the car, practically running away.

Callie:
I know I'm supposed to feel bad for not talking to them in the car and not being all that loving with Natasha. But I don't. I just don't feel... anything.

The second the car pulls up to the compound, I dash out of there, pushing through my growing headache. I only get a few feet before I'm stopped by a hand on my stomach.

"Callie wait," Natasha pleads from behind me.

I don't turn around in fear of breaking down. If I look at her, I know I'll think even more about my attempt to leave this world that didn't work.

Nat walks in front of me instead. Now we face each other, tears slowly filling my eyes. A big lump in my throat.

"What?" I squeak with a cracked voice.

I guess she decided against what she was going to say because she instead just reaches to my face. She carefully rests her hands on either side along my jaw and we just look at each other. My weak hands manage to sit on her hips. We look at each other for a couple of minutes, just standing outside of the compound, until she finally slowly brings us together. Our lips lock but the kiss doesn't feel the same.

The first thing I do is collapse on Nat and I's bed. Nat doesn't say anything. She simply comes over to the bed and sits on the edge next to me. I open my eyes to her staring at me lovingly.

"I'm sorry," I whisper after many minutes of silence.

"No..." she starts quietly. "I guess I just want to understand... why. Clearly, I missed so much, and I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry..." She begins to cry so I weakly sit up.

"N-no. Don't apologize. None of this is your fault." I rest my forehead on her shoulder. "I just reached my breaking point," I whisper.

"Why didn't you come to me? Or anyone? We would've helped you."

"We both know if I tried telling someone, I would get teased. All people do here is make fun of me, even if it is just for jokes. No one takes me seriously."

Nat turns her body so I'm forced to lift my head off of her shoulder and look at her. "If you came to us and told us all of this, no one would make fun of you."

"Nat, when I went to our room when everyone was talking, not one person checked up on me. Not even you. I was alone for so long. I could've done it in the almost 7 hours I was alone. But no. I waited. I had hope that at least one person was going to see if I was okay. Dumb fucking hope." I try to turn my face away from her but she gently stops me with a hand on my cheek. I don't want to cry but she's making it very hard to hold back.

"I'm sorry-"

"I'm tired of hearing that. Why should you apologize? There's nothing you can do now." I weakly push her hand off my face and climb out of bed. She doesn't follow me into the bathroom like she normally would. Looking at the bathtub, I get flashbacks of creating the lines all over my arms. Suddenly, I feel lightheaded and the next thing I know, I'm crashing to the ground.

Natasha:
Usually, I'm good at knowing what to do. But I've finally reached a point where I don't. I just don't know what to do. In fact, I don't know anything. For the first time, I don't follow Callie into the bathroom but I wish I did. Not even two minutes after she closes the door, there's a loud thud.

"Babe?" I call from the bed. I don't get a response so the worry sets in. I scramble to the bathroom door and knock frantically. "Callie? Are you okay? What's going on?" Again, nothing. My mind plays the night I found her like a movie. A scary, horrible movie.

Laying in the tub is Callie. She's fully clothed in a half-full tub of red water. Her head rests on the wall behind her and her arms rest on the edges of the tub, absolutely covered in her own blood. Her clothes are soaked in it and the little metal blade rests in her limp left hand. I can't even tell if she's alive.

"No. No no no," I squeak through my sobs.

I reach into the red water to drain it. My eyes dart to her wrists and I think fast.

"No, hold on baby," I sob as I carefully grab both of her wrists and apply pressure, praying I stop some bleeding. Her blood rapidly covers my hands.

She locked the door and because she isn't responding, I'm forced to let my instincts take over. I kick hard, sending the door flying open. I immediately drop to my knees next to her. She's unconscious, belly up on the ground. I carefully take her in my arms and bring her back to the bed.

Callie:
My eyes flutter open to the white ceiling above me. I don't remember going to sleep. I don't remember much of anything after coming home from the hospital last night. I recognize the slow breathing next to me to be Natasha. I don't even have to look to know who it is. I've studied every little thing about her through the years. I do look at her though, wanting to feel any sort of anything. But when I see she's sleeping on her side, facing away from me, the only thing I feel is sharp pain through my heart.

To cry silently in peace, I roll to face away from her as well. Now we're back to back. We have only ever slept back to back when we fight and can't make up. These thoughts make me cry harder. Eventually, I accidentally let a little sound slip out. I don't know if it woke up Nat, but I really hope not.

Natasha:
I couldn't sleep so I stayed up all night, just watching Callie. I eventually rolled to my side since I felt as if I couldn't necessarily sleep with an unconscious girlfriend. I know she woke up when her smooth breathing became short and hitched but I stay in my position. I've mastered steadying my breathing to make it seem like I'm sleeping. I would do it when we fought so she didn't know I stayed up to make sure she's okay.

I listen to the silence. Minutes later, I hear shuffling, her side of the bed dip slightly, then quiet cries that quickly escalate to light sobs. She even lets out a tiny whine. I know she's probably beating herself up for that though. Hating her sadness, I roll over and wrap my arms around her waist, pulling her into me tightly.

"I didn't mean to wake you," she whispers through her sobs.

"You didn't wake me."

-

"Wait." I quickly grab a hold of my girlfriend before she has the chance to leave our bedroom for breakfast. She just turns around without saying anything so I start, taking her hands in mine. "You don't have to tell me everything, or anything for that matter. But I need you to know that I'm here. I am so sorry you felt like you couldn't come to us, to me. But you can. I want to help if you need it. Cal, I love you more than life itself."

Her eyes gloss over so she gulps and takes a step towards me, not fully hugging me but resting her head on my shoulder. I wrap my arms around her neck. It takes her a few minutes but she finally holds me back by my waist.

"I love you too, Tash." I kiss her temple but we stay hugging until FRIDAY tells us Tony's getting impatient with us.

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National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
800-273-8255