Scarlett Johansson | One-Shots (1)

Sorry.

hi. so this isn't a one-shot. obviously. I've been needing to vent to someone but I'm not exaggerating when I say I'm low on friends. I don't really have anyone to talk to. I've been trying to express my feelings within my writing but that doesn't suffice. this obviously isn't all that I'm feeling, just the surface. read if you want.

I'm struggling. whether I want to admit it or not. I am. it's just hard to do anything anymore. I have so much going on. so much that's taking a huge toll on me. so much I've been holding in. friend issues, family issues, personal issues. it's hard to find positivity in anything. it's hard to look at the bright side. people in my life come to me when they need advice or they're looking for someone to make them smile and of course, I do it. I'm the kind of person to put everything to the side to help someone, especially the ones closest to me, no matter what it does to me. but the problem with that is I'm tearing myself apart trying to help everyone. I'm there for everyone else but when it really comes down to it, no one is really there for me. people always say "I'm here for you" but any time I can get myself to open up, I'm pushed to the side. I'm always the one to ask someone "how are you" but I can't remember the last time someone asked me that. I feel like if I disappeared, no one would really notice. I wanna believe that I'm making a big enough impact on people that they would but if I'm being honest, I don't know. maybe I am but if that's the case, it's not showing. it's like all my efforts in anything are going down the drain. so why am I even trying?

and it's more than just friends. my family holds this expectation over me. they want me to be this perfect daughter. this daughter that never fails, never does anything wrong. but I'm not that. I'm far from that. I fail every day of my life. but I do try. I try so hard to do things right. but my family makes me feel like no matter how hard I try, nothing I do will be good enough. every time I'm happy about something, they find something to yell at me about. for example, I got my first tattoo the other day and I was excited about it so I showed my mom and she just yelled at me about where I got it and how I was being "irresponsible and unsafe". the tattoo is small and in a place that won't even be seen that easily. but that's just one small thing. it's every day of my life. I just can't anymore.

with everything going on, it's hard to do anything. it's hard to write. I don't sleep much anymore. I don't want to let down my readers here so I'm trying. but I think my writing is getting worse, I truly do. and I'm sorry. life's just hard and I can't find my way through the dark. I hope things get better soon.

thank you for all the lovely support on my one-shots. I read all my comments, they make me smile. thank you guys if you read this far.

~K