Scarlett Johansson | One-Shots (1)

⚠️ NR - Cliff

Warning: self-harm, suicide
Hi guys. Before reading this one, I just want to say if anyone's going through anything like this, please know you are not alone. If you need someone, reach out. My messages are always open if needed. I love you.

You are not alone ❤️

Help is at the bottom.
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Callie:
My mind is a scary place. It can be so loud yet so silent, it's deafening. Thoughts telling me to do things. Thoughts I can't control. Thoughts I can't ignore. It's overpowering. I want everything to tell someone how I feel every second of every day but each time I get close to opening up, I shut down. No one needs that on their conscience.

I can feel myself closing in on the end. It feels like I'm sitting on the edge of a cliff on the top of a mountain, watching the days go by. I'm just waiting. Waiting for something to happen. Waiting for someone to sit with me so I'm not alone. Waiting for my end to come. I know it's coming but at the same time, I don't. I want to get up and jump off this cliff, feel the air flowing through my clothes as I fall to my death. But at the same time, I just want to hold on, wait a little bit longer for something, anything, to happen.

As fast as this moment is moving, hanging out with all of my friends, time feels frozen. I know once I'm back in my room, I'll be right where I started. On the bathroom floor in a pool of my own blood. It's a pattern. Wake up too late in the day, skip every meal, keep interactions to a minimum all day, then go back to my room at night to do what I can to distract my messy mind. If I can't distract myself, well... Only I know what happens. The team doesn't know. They don't need to. It's not their battle.

The only one on the team who knows anything is my girlfriend, Nat. But even then, she thinks I'm just "sad". Which is true to a point. I am sad. But it's more than that. I feel hopeless. I feel like a lost cause. I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. My head is slowly going under the water and my hands and feet are tied so I can do nothing but slowly sink to the bottom to suffer a slow and painful death. I can feel the air leaving my lungs. I think I'm okay with it. I think I'm ready.

-

"Hey, can I spend the night with you tonight?" Nat asks when our friends start filing out of the bar for the night.

"Yeah," I fake smile.

She squeals and grabs my hand to drag me to my room. There, she changes into a pair of my sweats and one of my oversized hoodies. I've always loved how she looks in my clothes. They fit her perfectly even though sometimes they're too big on her.

"Come," she instructs, opening her arms for me to join her in bed.

I do. I lay next to her with my head on her collar. My top hand resting on her stomach takes in how it rises and falls with each even breath she takes as she drifts off to sleep. My mind is always too busy at night for me to be able to sleep. I lay still, eyes open, staring into the darkness around me. It doesn't take Nat long to fall asleep. I wait until the arm wrapped around me falls limp as she falls into her REM cycle. The moon is full tonight, a peaceful white stream shining through my window, illuminating a bright shadow of the window.

I carefully roll out of bed, taking one last look at my sleeping girlfriend in my bed before silently slipping out of the bedroom. I sneak my way to the roof of the compound. It's a warm night, a gentle breeze coursing through my loose t-shirt every now and then. With hands in my hoodie's pocket, I drag my feet to the edge, sitting with my feet hanging off the side. The only sounds now are the distant cars and nighttime city ruckus. I peer down, watching my feet swing back and forth a few times. This is my cliff.

Natasha:
My arm drags across my body, reaching for Callie. My eyes flutter open when I don't feel her. Thinking she could be in the bathroom, I open my ears for any sounds. Hearing nothing, I sit up in bed. I scan the dark room that's lit up by a single stream of white moonlight. No sign of my girl. I immediately get out of bed. Maybe she's getting a midnight snack. If that's the case, I want one too. I love our midnight snack journeys. We always end up getting intimate or goofy.

Every light is off. So she isn't getting a snack. She isn't drinking at the bar. She isn't reading in the living room (she does that when she can't sleep). With a sad sigh, I make my way back to her room but stop when one last idea pops into my head. Callie loves the night sky and everything in it. Tonight is a full moon. There's a good chance she's on the roof. It's strange that she wouldn't invite me to stargaze with her. I'll go join her.

The door to the roof is unlocked so my theory is correct. Opening the final door to the roof, I find her. But what I see is not what I was expecting. Callie is standing on the very edge of the roof, way too close, her toes hanging off. She's staring down at the ground below. I don't know what she's doing but she'll fall if she isn't careful.

"Babe?" I call softly.

She flinches but doesn't turn to face me. "This is my cliff."

"What?" I slowly step closer.

"I've always been so scared of the edge but now that I'm on it... It's not so bad."

"What're you doing?"

"Taking a leap of faith."

I furrow my eyebrows at her response, not understanding what she means. Then it hits me. But it hits me a moment too late. Before I can respond, she takes a step forward.

"CALLIE!" I scream, sprinting to her, immediately reaching over the edge as far as I can.

Miraculously, I'm able to grab her wrist. She falls so fast, she almost slips out of my grip but my strong hold doesn't let her. Tears stream down my face as I hold on to her with all my strength.

"Nat, please. I can't do this anymore," Callie pleads.

"I'm not letting you die," I sob. "Please don't do this."

"You'll be okay."

"No, I won't. How could you even say that?"

"I love you. It's time."

"It is not time. Your time is not up." I tighten my grip as I feel her wrist start to slip.

"I'm so sorry..." A tear finally falls from her eye.

I know she doesn't want to let go. I just know it. She silently admits this by reaching her dangling hand up to hold on to me so she doesn't fall. I use all of my strength to pull her back up. When she makes it, I fall backward, Callie falling on top of me. She sobs uncontrollably into me as I hug her as tight as I possibly can.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," she heaves.

"It's okay. You're okay. It's okay," I coo, crying and running my sweaty fingers through her hair.

"I'm so scared."

"I know. I'm right here. Whatever's going on, I'm right here. We'll go through this together. You don't have to do this alone."

She stays silent except for the crying. I sit with her in my arms on the roof until the sun comes up. We only go inside when Callie tells me she's ready. We get a few questioning looks but I shoot them down before anyone can voice their concerns. I go to bring us back to Callie's room but she doesn't budge from the doorway. When I ask her why she tells me "it's triggering". Respecting her, I bring her to mine instead. We stay in my room for the day. I get her to open up just a little about what's been going on. She doesn't say much but she says enough. Enough for me to know just how dark her mind is. I'll stick to my promise of making sure she doesn't go through anything alone.

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National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
800-273-8255