Alam niyo ba yung feeling sa cartoons na gusto mong isubo yung words na sinabi mo? Ganon din ako. Pagkasabi ko nun parang gusto ko nang bawiin agad yung mga sinabi ko. Nakita ko na lumaki yung ngiti ni Agnes.
"Hindi mo pa sinabi sa friends mo na you're getting married?"tanong ko sa kanya bago pa siya sumagot ulit.
"Hindi pa. I just feel na if I tell them, that would make it official."
"Hindi ba when you tell your family, then that's official?"
"Oo nga, but baliktad naman kasi yung case natin eh. And I didn't want to tell them..."
"Kasi tingin mo this is going to disappear anyway?"
I tried to keep my voice steady but somehow I felt this pain in my chest nung sinabi yun ni Agnes. She probably thinks na sooner or later matatapos din naman lahat talaga 'to and it's not worth the trouble of telling your friends. Alam niyo yung feeling na may dinedate ka and you somehow feel as if hindi naman kayo talaga magkakaprogress so you don't bother introducing them to your friends? That's how it felt and I get that. Siguro nga, this whole mess is not really worth telling.
Pero nagulat ako when Agnes held my hand and she has this serious look on her face.
"Who said that this is?"
"Di ba yun naman ang plan?"sabi ko sa kanya.
"The plan is not to get married, not to forget you."she replied tapos ngumiti siya.
"I didn't tell my friends yet. Ayoko pang sabihin sa kanila unless in person."dagdag niya. I just smiled back. I realized na magkahawak pa rin pala kami ng kamay kaya I withdrew my hand and tumingin na lang ako sa TV.
"Pat, I know we got off on the wrong side of things, but do you think after all these, we could still be friends?"tanong niya.
"Bakit friends lang?"tanong ko.
"Well, bare minimum. I think at the very least, we can still be friends right?" I nodded. Pero sa totoo lang, I'm not even sure kung kaya kong maging friends lang kami after all these.
"Pero if you have a choice, ano bang gusto mo?"tanong sa 'kin ni Agnes.
"I... I don't know. I haven't given it thought." We kept quiet. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko napag-isipan kung anong mangyayari sa 'min later on. If her plan works, then what would happen to both of us? If her plan doesn't work, would she really want to get married?
"Pero, ano nga? Sasama ka?"sabi ko sa kanya.
"Sorry wifey. Uuwi na kasi ako ng Baguio. Malapit na kasi mag-Pasko and hinahanap ako ng mga kapatid ko."sabi niya. I frowned. Sayang naman. Ito pa naman sana yung chance para magkasama kami for a vacation.
"Don't be sad. May iba pa namang chance di ba?"sabi niya. Tumango ako. Pero naiintindihan ko rin naman na she has to go home for the holidays.
Sobrang dami naming napanuod na movies ni Agnes bago kami nagdecide na umakyat na para matulog. Siguro pagod ako kasi after kong mag-ayos, paghiga ko, feeling ko nakatulog na agad ako. Pero naramdaman ko na inayos ni Agnes yung kumot ko bago siya humiga sa tabi ko. She was too careful para hindi niya ako magising. I can feel Agnes moving beside me but I didn't bother to open my eyes to look at her. Siguro sa pagod na rin. But when I managed to do so, nakita ko na magkaharap kami ni Agnes. She had her eyes closed and I smiled. Cute talaga nito pag tulog.
I snuggled close to Agnes but I did it carefully para hindi ko siya magising. Posible pala yung ganon 'no? Just being close made me feel happy. Yung feeling of no contact and yet you feel that warmth.
Ganito pala yun.
