Pumunta na kami ng banda sa Baguio para sa show namin and nagdecide din sila Migs na isabay na yung band retreat and planning. Pero nauna na akong umakyat ng Baguio kesa sa kanila kasi gusto kong makapagusap muna kami ni Agnes. Maaga pa nung dumating ako sa bahay nila. I waited there kasi hindi ko alam kung paano ako magsasalita so I just patiently waited outside. Hindi ko alam kung haharapin ba ako ni Agnes, but I have to try.
Bumaba na ako ng sasakyan ko at sumandal na lang ako sa hood. Pero kung totoo yung sinasabi nila Mama na hindi lumalabas si Agnes, paano ko nga siya kakausapin? Bahala na siguro. Naglakad na ako papunta sa gate nila nung biglang lumabas si Agnes. Paglabas niya ng bahay nila halatang nagulat siya nung nakita niya ako.
Pero mas nagulat ako na she looked happy. I don't really know what to expect, pero she looked okay. Akala ko ba she's not okay and that is the whole reason why she left Manila at para makapagtago sa Baguio? Why is she happy?
I guess I have mentally prepared myself on how I would apologize and how to tell her the truth pero I wasn't prepared na she's happy. Not that I don't want her to be, but it wasn't quite what I was expecting.
"O wifey, anong ginagawa mo dito?"sabi niya tapos nagulat ako kasi lumapit pa siya at bumeso. She sounded very... happy. Pero bakit?
"Kumusta ka?"sabi niya then she smiled. I am confused.
"I... I'm good."sabi ko sa kanya. "Ikaw?"
"Good. Better actually. Gusto mo bang pumasok?"sabi niya.
"Hindi na. Ah... Agnes, aalis ka ba?"sabi ko sa kanya.
"Well, bibili sana akong kape para dalhin mamaya eh."sabi niya. "You look like you've lost weight."
"Well, I haven't been sleeping well."
"Bakit? Still getting nightmares?"sabi niya. Living one right now. Umiling ako.
"Hindi lang ako sanay na..." I paused. Bigla siyang tumingin sa 'kin. "Na hindi kita katabi."
"Arte mo. Dati naman wala kang katabi ah."sabi niya. We both kept quiet. I tried looking at Agnes pero hindi ko mabasa kung anong iniisip niya.
"By the way, natapos mo na ba yung kailangan nila Allan dun sa movie?" Tumango ako.
"Yes. I'm done with it."sabi ko.
"Good. Nagtatanong kasi si Sud if okay na daw."
"Si Sud o si Raisa?"sabi ko sa kanya. Biglang uminit yung tenga ko.
"Does it matter who's asking?"sabi niya. Umiling ako. "Pero si Sud nga yung nagtatanong. Wala siyang number mo eh, so he had to ask me. Anyway, bakit ka nagpunta dito?"
"Pwede ba tayong mag-usap?"sabi ko sa kanya.
"Aren't we talking now? Tungkol saan? You didn't have to come all the way here. Nagpagod ka lang. Pwede naman tayo mamaya mag-usap."
"This is about the wedding and about what I said--"
"O, why are you still fussing about it? It worked."sabi niya and then she smiled.
Bigla akong nalito sa sagot niya. "The plan worked. Di ba ito naman talaga plano natin? To call off the wedding? Sabi ko naman sa'yo gagawin ko lahat para hindi matuloy 'tong kasal na 'to."
Nalilito ako. Was this part of her plan all along? I know we talked about doing everything to stop the wedding. Pero bakit ganon? Was everything really just about that?
"Pat, don't look too surprised. I told you I'll do everything para hindi matuloy 'tong kasal. And what best way to make them change their minds is that since they are after our own happiness, what better way to stop this than making them know na nasasaktan yung mga anak nila? Ang hirap magkulong sa kwarto ah and to convince my mom. Kasi alam niya kapag umaarte lang ako. But, I think she believed me finally in the end. I heard her talking kela Tito eh. Alam kong pareho nilang ayaw nakikitang nasasaktan ang mga anak nila and I guess they also thought I was serious, kaya ayun. They agreed."
"So all these is part of your plan?"sabi ko sa kanya.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero bigla akong nakaramdam ng inis. All those days with her, lahat ng effort niya, lahat ng ginawa niya, part lang ng plano niya?
"Why are you so surprised Pat?"
"Eh yung sa atin? Was it all part of your plan?"
"Aling sa atin Pat? You need to be more specific than that."
I wanted to ask her about everything. Nung sinabi niya sa 'kin na mahal niya na ako, when we danced in her room, when she actually told me she wanted to marry me, ano yun? Palabas lang din ba lahat yun? Pinasakay niya lang ba ako?
"Eh ako Agnes? Ano ako? Was I just a chess piece in your plan?!"sagot ko sa kanya. I've tried to lower my voice pero hindi ko na kayang itago yung galit ko. I felt used. I felt as if I've been played. That I willingly let her use me. Pakiramdam ko ang tanga-tanga ko for believing her.
"Pat,"sabi niya tapos tumingin siya sa 'kin. I felt her stares burning me again.
"You're never the chess piece here, cause you've been playing chess with me right from the start. This chess game isn't just mine..."
...you were playing with me too."
Nilayasan ko si Agnes after namin mag-usap. I didn't even bother to look back kasi wala namang point. I can still feel the anger and sa sobrang galit ko hindi ko naiwasang maluha. I tried to compose myself once nakarating ako dun sa resthouse.
"O. Andito ka na. What happened?"sabi ni Jam.
"All these is just part of her plan Jam. Sobrang nakakagago di ba? Eto ako nag-iisip na nasaktan ko siya for what I said and now I'll find out na lahat 'to was just part of her plan. Kasi we both decided to do everything to stop the wedding. Pinlano niya lahat 'to Jam. Pinlano niya na ma-fall ako sa kanya, malaman ko yung secrets niya, malaman ko yung phobia niya. For what? Just so people would see how hurt she is when I call it off and that was her plan all along! To play victim para itigil na yung kasal namin. Sobrang gago di ba?"
"Pat, hindi mo ba naconsider na baka... na baka yun ang sinabi ni Agnes kasi nasaktan mo siya?"
"Ano?"
"Pat don't you think it's convenient for her to say na this was all part of her plan? Hindi ma-pride si Agnes but maybe the reason bakit sinabi niya yun sa'yo is dahil nasaktan mo siya. Maybe she can't accept na siya lang yung nagmahal. Ayaw niya aminin sa sarili niya na ikaw hindi mo siya minahal, na ikaw you were just playing along pero siya totoo yung feelings niya for you. Kasi kahit ako tanungin mo, masakit yun and maybe that's Agnes's way of being defensive. Kasi alam mo kung anong problema niyong dalawa? Minahal niyo naman or mahal niyo pa rin naman yung isa't isa but you're both trying to pretend as if you didn't."
I kept quiet. May point naman si Jam. Pero kaya nga gusto kong makipagusap sa kanya. Gusto kong mag-sorry para sa mga nasabi ko and for hurting her pero hindi naman ako binigyan ng chance ni Agnes.
"Alam niyo mag-usap kayong dalawa and stop your pretentions please lang. And stop taking things at face value. Kasi ganon ginawa niyo ni Agnes eh. Agnes believed na hindi mo talaga siya minahal and you're now believing na lahat 'to was just part of her plan and she was just playing along. Hay nako. Tanga niyong dalawa nakakaasar."sabi ni Jam. I can tell na gusto akong batukan ni Jam but she hesitated.
"Now, hindi tayo umakyat ng Baguio Pat to make things worse between the two of you. Umakyat tayo dito to fix things sa inyong dalawa. Now if that is still the plan and if that is still the objective, mag-usap kayong dalawa. It's never too late for that. Enough with your pretentions, enough with your cover-ups, enough with your excuses. Kung mahal niyo yung isa't isa, then just be point blank clear about it. Alam mo pinakamabilis na gagawin mo dito Pat? Sabihin mo sa kanya yung totoo. Tanga na kung tanga, pero nainlove ka sa kanya, tapos. If she really was serious, at least she knows na totoo yung pinakita mo sa kanya, totoo yung pinaramdam mo sa kanya and that's what is important. How Agnes would take it, I don't know."
"Paano pag sinabi niyang hindi naman niya talaga ako minahal? Paano pag sinabi niyang she was just playing along?"tanong ko. Kasi hindi ko alam kung handa ba akong marinig galing sa kanya na hindi niya naman talaga ako minahal. Jam sighed.
"Well then Pat, Agnes is a lesson to be learned. But how are we to find out?"
