"Ano?"
"I'm starting to have feelings for you."ulit niya.
"Alam mo pinagtitripan mo nanaman ako eh."
"But I'm serious."sabi niya. I froze. The seriousness in Agnes's voice and the way the moonlight reflected on her eyes, it was overwhelming.
"Akala ko crush lang eh. Cause you were this amazing person and you're talented, and I like seeing you smile. And I thought, hindi naman masamang magkagusto ako sa'yo, just like everybody else."
"I tried stopping myself. Kasi alam ko na pretentions lang lahat 'to. Pero..."sabi ni Agnes. She massaged her temples.
"That day you got back from the U.S. and nakita kita with Charlie. From the way Charlie looked, I can tell na aamin na siya sa'yo. And when you weren't replying, I knew that was it. I knew na I had to burst this bubble of mine na, all this is real..." she continued massaging her temples.
"I wanted to get back with Raisa because it makes much more sense than admitting to myself na nagugustuhan na kita. But on the way to that restaurant..."sabi ni Agnes. She sighed.
"...you were all I can think of."
"All I could think of was your smile, your eyes, ikaw. And I knew that pushing through with Raisa will be a mistake kasi hindi ko naman na talaga siya mahal. I told you I like you. And akala ko, that was that. Akala ko all I had for you was admiration."
"I... All these feelings, they just came without warning. I just woke up one day and I just... know."
I can feel my heart thumping against my chest. Sa ngayon nahihilo ako at hindi ko alam kung sa alak pa rin ba 'to.
"I don't know what this is Pat. This... overwhelming feeling in my chest. I just can't explain it. I can't even say kung mahal na ba kita kasi... I've fallen in love with someone before but with you things are just... different. I am drowning with it. I am overwhelmed kaya I wanted to let you know."sabi niya.
Nung sinabi yun ni Agnes, I understand. It was the same feeling that I tried explaining to Jam and Nics nung umiinom kami. Agnes. I feel Agnes around her. And tonight, it is also drowning me. Her eyes just held me there. It has left me breathless and with this overwhelming feeling na gusto kong sumigaw. Like all the feelings I've bottled up is finally reaching the surface.
"Agnes..." I started. Pero hindi ko rin alam ang sasabihin ko sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin sa kanya na I am drowning too. Na I am overwhelmed. Na I feel the same thing. And now it makes sense. I have looked at Charlie for the longest time but never did I even feel na I've known her; not the first time I met her and definitely not even when I am with her.
"I'm not expecting any answers Pat. And maybe I need to clear my head too."sabi ni Agnes.
I wanted to tell Agnes na ganon din naman yung nararamdaman ko para sa kanya. How, after all those years, I finally see her. Pero I am overwhelmed and I am surprised and I can't be coherent right now that I am drunk.
"Forget what I said. Matulog na tayo. Tara na. It's late and you're already tipsy."sabi ni Agnes tapos naglakad na rin siya papunta sa kwarto namin.
I cannot verbalize the right words to tell her kaya I just ran after her and held her hand. She walked slower. She was finally smiling pero wala siyang sinabi. Pero sana nagets niya. Sana alam niya na I feel the same way. I'm just overwhelmed and I can't form a sentence. I pressed her hand and she pressed it back. Pero bago kami pumasok sa kwarto, humarang ako sa pinto at sa harap ni Agnes.
"O why?"sabi niya.
Binitawan ko yung kamay niya at niyakap ko siya. I don't know what to tell her, but this, this is what I need. Halatang nagulat si Agnes cause I felt her stiffen. Naghahalo yung amoy nung alak at nung pabango ni Agnes but I didn't mind. This feels good. Hugging her will always feel good. Naramdaman ko na yumakap na rin sa 'kin si Agnes then she kissed me in the forehead.
"Agnes."sabi ko sa kanya.
"Hm?"
"Don't let go please."
Hindi ko kasi alam kung anong sasabihin ko sa kanya. Kaya we just stood there for a few more minutes. Natakot ako na baka hindi ko nasabi what I wanted to say. Pero nung bumitaw siya, she smiled at me and I know she understands.
Pagpasok namin sa kwarto, dumerecho na sa cr si Agnes and humiga muna ako sa kama. When she returned, ako naman ang nag-cr at naghilamos. Paglabas ko, nakita ko na tulog na si Agnes. I took off her glasses and placed it on the table. Bagsak na nga siya. She didn't even flinch. I stared at Agnes and sa totoo lang, I can feel this euphoria surrounding me.
Where do I even start to process everything that has happened tonight? Six years? I remember now. She was that girl who would always sit at the farthest corner. She used to wear different glasses. And dun sa coffee shop, lagi siyang nag-aabang dun sa bar for her order. Nakatabi ko nga siya sa jeep before. She would always sit sa dulo ng jeep. How could I have missed that? And like a wave, all memories of her from those days soon came crashing.
And for the second time today, I have never seen Agnes this clearly. Kita na kita Agnes. Kitang-kita na kita.
