I guess tama naman si Jam and I'm hoping na sinabi niya lang yun dahil nasaktan ko siya but I can't help but think na ito talaga yung plano niya. It scares me na totoo yung sinabi ni Agnes. Pero tama rin si Jam na totoo man o hindi yung naramdaman sa 'kin ni Agnes, sigurado ako na totoo naman lahat ng naramdaman ko for her.
Nung dumating si Agnes I can tell na umiiwas siya sa 'kin. And I guess she has every right to do so. Pero napansin ko na ngumingiti din naman siya but hindi kasing genuine ng usual smile niya. After ng mga nangyari kanina, ano nga ba ang ineexpect ko? Nagmeet lang kami and nagplan for the whole day pero tingin ko awkward din sila around us dahil hindi kami nag-uusap. Nung medyo hapon na, nagready na rin kami para sa gig namin ngayong gabi.
Nung nasa van na kami, magkatabi kami ni Agnes pero tahimik lang din siya. Nakasuot lang siya ng headphones niya at nakatingin sa labas. Pagdating namin sa venue, ang dami ng tao. Nagstart na kaming tumugtog and though nag-eenjoy ako sa crowd, hindi ko maalis sa isip ko si Agnes. I glanced at her and she seemed to be enjoying herself rin but she's not her usual self. I wanted to talk to Agnes pero hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan. But tonight, I think tonight is the right timing to finally ask her my questions. Maybe it's time. Nagkaro'n kami ng few minutes break bago kami mag-next song kaya uminom muna ako ng tubig. Lumapit lang din ako kay Agnes at inabot ko sa kanya yung tumbler ko.
"Water wifey?"sabi ko sa kanya. Halatang nagulat siya sa sinabi ko pero kinuha naman niya yung tumbler at uminom din siya.
"Thanks."sagot niya sabay inabot niya na ulit yung tumbler tapos nagtono ulit siya ng bass niya. Pabalik na ako sa pwesto ko nung lumapit ako kay Migs.
"Migs I have made up my mind. Now is the time."sabi ko sa kanya. Hindi ko alam kung naintindihan ni Migs yung sinabi ko dahil medyo maingay pero ngumiti siya.
"Finally."sabi ni Migs.
Bumulong lang din si Migs kay Pao at nginitian din niya ako. After ilang seconds, nag-cue na sila to resume at nagstart na ng spiel si Migs. I made my way pabalik sa keyboard ko.
"So yung next song na to, this is actually a song na hindi kami ni Pao yung sumulat." Napatingin ako kay Agnes and I can tell from her face na nagtataka siya sa sinabi ni Migs.
"This was actually written and composed by our very own Pat Lasaten. The next song is called Lifetime."dagdag ni Migs. Napatingin silang lahat sa 'kin and I think they also understood that now is the time. This is my chance at sending my letter.
And for the first time in a long time, tiningnan ako ni Agnes, the way she always would, and when she looked at me, I can tell by the reaction on her face that for the first time since this song was released, she finally understood..
That this song, this song was for her.
"Was there a lifetime waiting for us in a world where I was yours?"kanta ni Migs.
Napakaiksi lang nung pause before we are cued in to play but it felt like an eternity nung nagkatinginan kami ni Agnes and hindi ko alam how to answer the questions that I can see from her face. And in my response to her confused look and her wondering eyes I just nodded back to her and gave her the faintest smile.
Ibinaling ni Agnes yung tingin niya sa 'kin and she concentrated on her bass. I did the same and kept my concentration in playing the song. Pero ang hirap pala magfocus when I badly wanted to look at her and shout all the words to her.
"I was scared to lose you then but secrets turn into regrets..."
Napatingin ako sa kanya and I was derailed from my thoughts nung nagtama yung mata namin for the second time tonight. I wish I didn't have to lose you Agnes. I wish I didn't have to write this song for you. Hindi ko alam kung bakit but when we were playing the song, bigla na lang tumulo yung luha ko. But as quickly as the tears came, pinunasan ko rin agad. I need to be strong. Now is not the right time for this. After ng set, habang nagliligpit ako ng gamit, naramdaman kong lumapit sa 'kin si Agnes but she didn't say anything.
