Hindi pa rin ako mapakali. Something's wrong. I need my phone. I want to talk to Agnes.
"Pat."sabi ni Charlie.
"Wifey."sabi niya.
"DON'T."sabi ko sa kanya kaya lalo siyang natigilan. "Don't call me that."
She didn't respond but she just looked at me. She tried to touch me again pero inalis ko lang ulit yung mga kamay ko. I don't understand what I'm doing here and why I'm here.
Alam kong unfair para kay Charlie. Kasi kung talagang kami na and I moved in with her, unfair naman na talikuran ko lahat yun overnight just because of a dream I had.
"Babe. I don't know what's happening."sabi ni Charlie and she just looked at me. Hindi ko rin alam kung anong nangyayari.
"Pat, you're making me worry."sabi niya.
I looked at Charlie. She really does look worried. I'm trying to look at her pero feeling ko I'm not seeing her properly. Parang pakiramdan ko tagusan lang.
I'm trying to remember how it feels to look at her with admiration. Pero wala. All I still see is dead stars.
"Kukuha lang akong tubig. I need to clear my head."
Gusto kong umiyak. Hindi ko alam kung bakit but I feel so frustrated. I stood up from the bed pero nung maglalakad na ako, bigla akong hinila ni Charlie and --
I woke up.
Again.
I felt my body jolt and I saw a figure na gumalaw sa tabi ko. I realized na nakahiga pa rin ako. She was now looking at me with concerned eyes.
Agnes.
Yumakap ako sa kanya. I felt my tears running through my cheeks. I held her tight. She wrapped her arms around me too. I buried my face sa balikat niya. But what if I am dreaming again?
Bigla akong napabitaw kay Agnes at napahawak ako sa leeg ko. The necklace is around my neck. I held on to it and I hugged Agnes again.
"Are you okay? Were you having nightmares? I've been trying to wake you up kanina pa."tanong niya sa 'kin. Halatang naalimpungatan siya but her eyes were very much alert.
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mas nakakatakot. Yung feeling na may humahabol sa 'kin o yung panaginip na Agnes and I are not together. Umiling lang ako. I didn't want her to worry.
"What's wrong then? Gusto mo bang tubig? I'll go get you --"
"Agnes don't go."sabi ko sa kanya as she tried to scramble out of bed para kumuha ng tubig.
"I'm okay."sabi ko sa kanya. She just nodded and she just sat beside me. I felt her wrap her arms around me and I hugged her tighter.
"Wifey, are you still having nightmares?"tanong niya.
Now that I think about it, matagal na nga akong hindi binabangungot. I think since the time na nalasing ako, hindi na ulit ako nanaginip ng masama.
"Not anymore."sabi ko sa kanya. "Stop worrying about me. Matulog na tayo."dagdag ko. But I didn't want to sleep. I didn't want to let go of Agnes. Natatakot ako na magising ako na hindi na siya yung kasama ko.
"Pat, you're upset. Anong panaginip mo?"
"How do I know that you're real?"sabi ko sa kanya. She looked at me in surprise. I think she understood what I meant. She pressed my hands.
"Gusto mo sampalin kita para sure ka?"sabi niya. I don't know why but I found myself chuckling at what she said. Then she just smiled at me and she was chuckling too. We just sat there and we were both chuckling quietly.
Pero para sure, I went out of bed at naghilamos ako. Pagbalik ko sa kama, Agnes is still sitting there and she's still looking at me with worried eyes.
Lumapit ako and I hugged her. Ayokong bumitaw. If I am dreaming again, then I don't want to at least let her go.
"Wifey."
"Hm?"
"Look at me."sabi niya kaya I pulled away from our hug and I looked at her.
"I'm not going anywhere okay?"
I nodded and I hugged her again. I felt her plant a kiss on my forehead.
Ano ba naman kasi yung panaginip na yun? Bakit naman kasi ganon?
