Criminal Minds Imagines 2

one hundred and forty five: let you go

"is everything okay with _______?" morgan asked as the team looked over at you, seeing how stressed you looked. your fingers were playing with your hair as you stared ahead aimlessly. he turned to face everyone as they all stared at you. "did something happen?"

j.j. glanced over at him before garcia spoke up.

"she asked us not to talk about it," she muttered as rossi let out a sigh.

"talk about what?" he questioned as morgan nodded, joining him in asking the question that most of the team wanted to know.

garcia looked over at j.j. as she nodded, rubbing her arm gently before garcia began to spill.

"well, she and reid broke up and you guys know that they've been together for, like, four years, so it's taking a real toll on her." 

morgan looked back over at you as you were staring at a picture frame on your desk now. 

"i'm gonna go talk to her," he said as garcia and the rest of the team just watched him walk over to you. 

"________?" he said, causing you to look over at him. "i heard about you and reid."

you let out a sigh, looking back towards the ground. 

"so, she told you."

morgan took a seat next to you.

"you know, everything is going to be okay. reid will realize-"

"i don't want to talk about it. i just want to sit here and think about it before i have to go out and kick the asses of bad guys, okay?" you said, getting up and walking past him as you walked out of the room.

morgan got up to go after you, but rossi stopped him.

"hey, hey, just let her go. she needs time."

j.j. looked between the two of them before she walked over to go find you. she knocked on the door to the bathroom before she walked inside to find you. 

"________," she said softly as you looked over at her before wiping your tears away. 

"j.j., i never thought," you began, trailing off as she nodded, rubbing your back.

"i don't think any of us did, _______. we all thought you'd be together forever, but maybe this is better in the long run. maybe you'll be able to focus on something that you had to put to the side because of your relationship or maybe you'll be able to finally have time for yourself."

you looked over at her before giving her a hug as she hugged you back.

"you're going to be okay," she said, rubbing your back gently before you let go. you wiped your eyes, letting out a somewhat shaky sigh.

"how's reid?" you asked her. 

j.j. smiled at you briefly before she began to explain. 

"he's pushing through it, but he never really showed us much emotion at work anyways. he always gave that to you," she explained as you nodded. 

"i have to go get my stuff from him today," you told her. "i'm not sure if i'll be able to do it."

she smiled, pulling you back in for a hug. 

"you're one of the strongest people i know. you can do this."
-

you knocked on his door three times like you used to do before he opened it. he gave you a brief smile before letting you inside as you walked in slowly. when he shut the door and was about to speak, you stopped him.

"spence," you began before he could even begin the sentence. "this is too hard. i can't do this."

you turned around to face him as he cocked his head in confusion. 

"what?" he asked. 

"we broke up," you told him. "and you seem so perfectly fine! j.j. said that you were acting okay and pushing through it, and i think the team knows that you seem okay! i loved you!" you said a little loudly as he shook his head, pulling you into a tight hug as you tried to control your breathing.

"_______, it's okay, relax," he said, holding you close as you cried. "i loved you, too. but you know that i had to. i have to protect you."

"i think i could protect myself against any threat," you muttered, nestling your head into the space under his chin as he cleared his throat a little. you let go reluctantly, looking up at him before looking away. "sorry."

he nodded, gently rubbing your arm before you looked away from him.

"you know that i still care about you."

you nodded, staring over at the photos he had on the wall. 

"i know."

"then why are you upset?" he asked. 

"because you're all i had and now," you said, turning to look at him again. "you're not mine anymore."

there was silence between the two of you before reid cleared his throat and walked over to the table where all of your stuff had been neatly put into a box.

"all of your stuff is here," he said, looking over at you as you slowly approached the table that had the box with your items in it. you looked at it, refusing to touch the items that were yours. he looked at you sweetly. "it'll get better." 

"you're acting like you're fine, spence," you told him softly. 

he sighed, taking a seat at the table as you turned to look at him. 

"i tend to compartmentalize my feelings and emotions more about personal things because of how private they are to me. and i think that having to come to terms with what i did and said to you, it's really hard to handle."

you kept looking at him.

"_______, i love you. i really do. you might be the only person that i have ever loved this much and adored this much. but," he said, shifting in his seat as he sat up a little. "sometimes that just isn't enough to protect you. my love for you won't stop the criminals in the world from wanting to hurt you to get to me."

you took a seat in the chair across from him as you kept staring over at him, waiting for more. 

"truth be told, i was given a few chances internally to keep you all to myself. but i know that you're strong. so that's why i let you go," he said softly, looking down at his shoes.

"i don't understand," you responded. 

"______, you are stronger than most people i know. but the day that i was taken and the team was finally able to find me," he said, recalling past memories. "you were the weakest i've ever seen. and i can't handle having to continue seeing that because it just means that i'm a weakness in your life."

"so, you just gave up on me because of my emotions one day?" you asked.

"no," he immediately said. "i let you go so that you would be strong and so that you could finally be able to live without worrying about me." 

you looked down towards your hands that were messing with one of your mom's old rings. 

"i'll always worry about you, spence," you muttered before standing up and taking your box as you glanced back over at him before beginning to walk away. he watched you go before you gave him one last look at the door.

then, it was just him in the apartment.