survival ~ haikyuu zombie au

123 ~ Grieving

Time continued to pass even though an important member of the group wasn't there anymore. As weeks passed, people began to accept the new reality, a reality where Daichi wasn't always sitting in his garden room. A new normal began to develop.

Nearly a month had passed since Daichis funeral. Kimi spent most of her days in her room alone, making minimal effort to talk to anyone or even take care of herself.

Both Tsukishima and Kai did everything they could to take care of Kimi. They seemed to have silently made an agreement to take turns helping her. Even Tadashi helped out as often as he could.

Conny on the other hand was grieving completely different than Kimi. She was barely at the prison, constantly dragging Kageyama or Kenma out on supply runs for any stupid reason she could think of. While she was out there she would take out her anger through killing the monsters. It worried Kageyama to watch her frustrated actions as she attempted to calm herself down, but he didn't stop her. He knew this was her form of grieving and that she needed to do it.

Conny and Kageyama were on the edge of Tokyo getting food. "Ready to go home Conny?" Kageyama questioned after they had collected a fair amount of food from different houses.

"No we need more" Conny stated moving towards another house, not bothering to even look at Kageyama.

"Conny, we can't carry anymore. Let's go home. We can come back tomorrow if you want" Kageyama offered.

He waited for her to respond but she didn't. When he looked over to her she seemed to have gotten distracted. Kageyama immediately saw what Conny had been staring at. A large hoard of walkers moving down the street. A hoard that would have terrified Conny before. They hadn't seemed to have spotted them yet, which would give the two of them a chance to get away safely. Kageyama was thankful for that since there were a lot of them and it would be hard to fight with all the food he was carrying.

"I have to go kill them" Conny mumbled staring at the hoard.

Kageyama got an immediate knot in his stomach. "No Conny, we can leave them. There are too many of them for us to fight on our own. Let's go now before they notice us" Kageyama said calmly trying to fizzle down the idea that had popped into Connys head.

"No Tobio. I have to kill them" Conny said shaking her head as she moved her hockey stick into both hands, preparing to swing it.

"No Conny" Kageyama said quickly trying to talk some sense into the girl.

Conny just shook her head at him, not responding. Then she looked back to meet his eyes. "I'm going to kill them" she said before moving at a run towards the hoard.

Kageyama immediately dropped all of the food he had been holding chasing after the girl. He was able to catch up to her fairly fast, grabbing her arm. Conny tried to rip her arm out of his grasp, but he managed to hold onto it.

"Let go of me!" she shouted at him stealing the attention of several monsters in the hoard.

"Shh Conny, we have to go now" Kageyama instructed quietly, trying to pull her along with him but she only fought against him.

"Fine I'll just kill them when they get to me" Conny decided, holding up her stick in her free hand getting ready to fight.

Kageyama looked back at the girl and sighed. "I'm sorry" he said.

"Huh?" Conny asked confused turning to face him. But he let go of her arm, tackling her so he could throw her over his shoulder causing her stick to fall to the ground.

"Let go of me!" Conny shouted as Kageyama tightened his grip on her before leaning forward to grab her hockey stick.

Conny kicked and struggled in his arm but he held onto her too tightly as he jogged away from the hoard. Kageyama turned a few corners, successfully losing all the monsters who had spotted them. He climbed the steps to a random house, breaking in. He moved to the living room finally putting Conny down on the couch.

"What the fuck Tobio?" Conny questioned in frustration. "I just wanted to kill them!" she cried out in a shout.

"You were being reckless, you were going to get yourself killed!" Kageyama shouted back not able to hold in his frustration. He hated yelling and arguing, especially when Conny was hurting so much. But he would rather her be pissed at him than dead. Plus at this point he honestly didn't know how else to make her understand.

"I just needed to kill them. I would have been fine" Conny argued back.

"Listen to me Conny. I get it. You are hurting and you are angry. But this - this isn't the way to deal with that anger" Kageyama said sternly making eye contact.

"Then how? Tell me how? How do I deal with it?" Conny asked harshly.

"Scream" Kageyama replied.

"I need a real answer Tobio" Conny replied unamused.

"I'm being serious. Sometimes the best way to deal with grief is to just let everything out. Scream at the top of your lungs for as long as you need to until you don't feel as angry. I'll stay here with you for as long as you want" Kageyama explained. He wasn't entirely sure how much this would actually help, but he figured it was worth a shot.

"You'll wait for me?" Conny asked in a softer voice. "As long as it takes me to calm down, you'll wait?" she added to clarify.

Kageyamas expression softened. "Of course, I'd wait forever for you if you asked me to" he replied.

Conny nodded. "Okay. I'm going to scream" she said. Kageyama nodded moving to give her some space.

Conny then did scream. She began letting the frustrations of the last month out. Screaming at the top of her lungs. She didn't know who she was screaming at or why she was so damn angry but she continued to scream, with nothing there to stop her.

After several minutes her voice began to die out, her entire throat screaming at her. She was sure that if she spoke her voice would be hoarse. But all she could do was crumple to the ground as tears made an appearance on her face.

"I don't feel okay Tobio. I don't feel like Conny" she whispered as she sat on her knees hiding her face on her lap.

Kageyama immediately moved from his place he had been waiting for her. He sunk down to sit beside her pulling her into his chest. "I know. It's gonna take a while, but you'll feel okay again" he whispered.

"But I just feel so angry. The frustrating thing is I don't even know who I'm pissed at anymore. My parents for what happened... Myself for being so damn trusting... The world for being so fucked up... In some messed up way I'm pissed at Daichi for dying..." Conny tried to explain her frustration calmly.

"It's okay to be mad Conny. You are allowed to be mad. Just don't let that rage completely swallow you up" Kageyama said gently running his hand through her hair.

"But I don't want to be mad. I want to be okay. I've never been so angry or felt so much hatred in my life. I hate it. I feel like it's going to devour me, I don't want to be just another monster" Conny admitted.

"Conny you could never be a monster, I know that for a fact" Kageyama spoke calmly. He was happy just to be holding her again. Conny had been so unreachable for the past month, this was the first time they had a conversation that wasn't related to getting supplies.

"I love you so much... Thank you for sticking by me for this past month. I know it hasn't been easy on you" Conny said as she cried into his chest.

"I'm always going to stick by you Conny. I promise. If one of us has to go through hell, then both of us will" Kageyama whispered.

"Please don't ever leave me" Conny whispered as she began to gain more control over her sobs.

"I told you already, you're stuck with me. There isn't a person in the world I would choose over you" Kageyama said pulling her a little closer to himself.

"That's not what I mean Tobio" Conny said pushing away to look him in the eyes. "Don't ever leave me" she repeated.

Kageyama immediately understood her request. This had nothing to do with their relationship. She was asking him not to die on her.

"I'm right here right now. Everything is going to be okay... so don't worry you dork" he whispered.