survival ~ haikyuu zombie au

153 ~ Fading

"Can you answer me something?" Conny questioned as she moved into the living room of her house. There were still chairs set out in the arrangement of a classroom but she refused to move them or even really acknowledge their existence.

"Yeah?" Kageyama replied following her and flopping onto the couch beside her.

"If you are a hallucination, then why can I touch you? I remember in movies and books people could see and hear things that weren't real but never actually touch them. But to me you feel like a real human" Conny said her thoughts out loud. She had dropped the thought that Kageyama might not be real for a long time refusing to even consider it. But her mind had started to circle around to that thought once again as if part of her knew he wasn't really there.

"It's called a tactile hallucination. Your mind is giving you the impression that you are touching me when in fact I'm not even here" Kageyama explained to her.

Conny thought about his words. It sounded so absurd to be able to feel something that wasn't real but she tried her best to wrap her mind around it. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess. For weeks she had been ignoring any thought that could even slightly resemble logic. Instead she had been living happily without thinking at all.

"How long have we been here?" Conny asked looking around the small house. It felt more like home than ever, almost as if she was always meant to live there.

Kageyama thought for a moment. "I died in April, you left in early May, and if I had to guess it's around July right now" he answered after trying to clearly consider the timeline.

Conny nodded to his answer. She would have believed him if he said two days and she would have believed him if he said two years. Time seemed to have no meaning to her anymore, it would just pass. She was sure that if she were dead it would still pass the same without her. Each day turning to the next and everything happening the same only she wouldn't be there.

The thought of dying used to scare her, terrify her even, but now she just couldn't find it in her to care either way. She had finally come to the realization that there really wasn't anything she could do either way, what was meant to happen would just happen.

It was still a little funny to her that after spending so much time trying to convince everyone they needed to do everything in their power to make sure as many people as possible survived, no one was around when she finally came to the conclusion that it really didn't matter. People were going to die no matter what she did.

"You're thinking about death..." Kageyamas statement took Conny by complete surprise as she looked up at the boy in shock. "I could tell" Kageyama added to answer her question before she could even ask it.

"I don't know what it matters if I was" Conny retorted. It seemed that lately the boy was more observant than he used to be, perhaps he was just a vision brought on by her so of course he would know what she was thinking.

"That surprises me Conny. The way I recall it, death matters a lot to you. You don't want to live some meaningless life, you want to help people and save people. You don't just give up because that's what is easiest... You're Conny, and you don't give a damn that this world is trying to beat you down because you are stronger than it" Kageyama responded. Conny stared at the boy for a long moment. She wasn't sure how he always knew exactly what to say to her, as if he were simply a piece of her.

Without even realizing it she began to tear up, letting a small sob out. "I'm sorry Tobio... you probably don't even recognize me anymore. I wish I were still that Conny you are talking about. The one you loved" she whispered. Everything within her seemed to be broken, she just wished she could figure out how to repair it.

"I know you are still that person Conny. You're just a little lost right now. I don't think people ever really change, which means you could never actually be a bad person" Kageyama responded pulling the girl closer to him. Conny closed her eyes taking comfort in his scent.

"If I die... do you think I could be with you again? The real you?" Conny mumbled her question into his chest.

Suddenly she was pulled away from the boy as he took her face in his hands. Kageyama was sure to make eye contact with the girl before he spoke. "You are going to live to ninety three remember? Then you can see me again. But you have to keep living, I promise it'll get better" he said sternly.

Conny nodded slowly tearing up once again. She wasn't sure why she was so emotional lately, the smallest things could make her cry. She had just wanted to be with him again, she wanted him back.

"Come here" Kageyama muttered pulling her back into him wrapping her in his warmth. Within a few minutes Conny could feel her eyelids getting heavier as she dozed off.