Hermitcraft One-Shots

Self Doubt

Warnings: Attempted Suicide (Please don't read this if this triggers you)

Relationship: Grian/Xisuma

~***~

Grian stood outside on the balcony, the wind blowing through his hair. He's been trying to keep himself busy for the past week, but for him, everything just kept getting harder and harder.

Between keeping the barge stocked and taking care of his mental health, nothing seemed to work for him. So he stood there, outside on the balcony, thinking, contemplating. Just wondering if he should end it all right then and there.

He had run away from home at seventeen, wandering three different worlds, trying to find another place to call home. But he knew that what ever home he found, he probably would never be accepted fully into it.

Just last week, Grian was exposed as a Watcher to the hermits while he was protecting one of them from a zombie hoard. He was told to leave the world twice but didn't. He stayed because he believed that they were just upset that he hid it from them. But what choice did he have? Not hide and risk the entire server, or hide and have the smallest chance of being found.

People have exposed and turned in Watchers the moment they were discovered. Most of those die, Grian just knew if Xisuma called him in he'd end up dead for running away and hiding for seven years.

"Grian?"

Grian looked over his shoulder, wordless.

"What're you doing up here?"

"Thinking."

"About what?"

He looked away and up to the stars, "I don't want to die yet, Xisuma. When are you turning me in?"

Xisuma pulled Grian to look at him, "I'm not. Doc can deal with it. He's gotten through stupider stuff. But you being a Watcher is the least of my worries."

"What're you talking about?"

"Grian, I love you. And I don't want you to die. So I'm not turning you in."

Grian sighed, "Bye, X."

He left, one flap of his wings and Grian was gone. Xisuma knew something was wrong, so he followed him.

Grian with the wind ringing in his ears didn't stop until he was at his and Xisuma's shared home. He knew Xisuma was flying after him, so he only just flew in through the window and put his wings away. Xisuma flew in not too long after, when he did, Grian was sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Gri?"

"I love you, Xisuma. I'm going to sleep."

"Okay... I love you too."

He watched as Grian climbed under the blankets. Xisuma soon followed, but something in his stomach told him don't sleep.

At three in the morning, he heard Grian move, "Suma? You awake?"

He didn't answer.

"Good..."

He heard Grian get up from the bed and heard him rummaging around then started hearing him writing something. Once again he heard Grian fly out of the room, Xisuma immediately shot up and walked to where the note was placed.

The note read:

"Xisuma,

I love you with my body, heart, and soul to death.

<3 Grian."

"Shit." Xisuma whispered, then immediately flew out after him. He searched the land far, only to find him on the top of the highest point of the Shopping District, "Grian!"

"Go away, X."

"Grian, don't accept your dark thoughts, please." Xisuma pleaded, he took off his helmet and tossed it aside, "Please just come down."

"No."

"Jump off and you're toast." Xisuma said walking towards the younger hermit.

"You and what toaster, X?!" Grian shouted tears spilling from his eyes, "What're you going to do if I just jump off?" Grian threatened with his foot dangling off the edge.

"Grian, just come down to me. Come into my arms, okay? No one here is going to hurt you."

"And how can you promise that? How can you promise that I won't get hurt?! Nobody likes a Watcher!"

"WE DO!" Xisuma walked closer, "WE LOVE A WATCHER! AND THAT WATCHER IS YOU! Please, just come down." He held his hand out to Grian, "For me?"

With his eyes filled with tears, Grian let his hand fall into Xisuma's and X pulled him down and into his chest, "Grian... Don't do this again okay?"

Grian dragged Xisuma down to their knees as he cried. He just kept mumbling, 'I'm sorry' over and over again.

"It's okay, it's okay... Just breathe." Xisuma whispered, "Breathe, you're okay."

After a while, Grian calmed down and Xisuma pulled him to his feet and walked him down to the ground. A few hermits walked up to them in a panic, but Xisuma pushed them away, asking for space for the time being. He created a portal and teleported himself and Grian to their shared home where he helped lay Grian in bed, kept him close to his heart as they slept the night away.