RWBY Females X Male Reader: Oneshots - Volume 1

The Most Classy Tale Of Them All - (Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Pyrrha X Male Reader)

Pyrrha Fanart By: mikkusushi On DeviantArt

Requested By: HopeTheAssassin

Published On: February 6, 2022

THIRD PERSON POV

This is the tale of a woman named Pyrrha, she was traveling back to Vale, back to her boyfir-

Stacy: "OH GOD HONEY WHY IS THE CHRISTMAS TREE ON FIRE!!!! HOLY FUCK!!"

Vlad: "SOME CRAZY REDHEAD CAME IN HERE AND IGNITED IT, NOW HELP ME OUT OF THESE CUFFS!!!!"

Stacy: "WAIT!?! IS THAT A BOMB!!!"

Vlad+Stacy: "AHAAAAHAHFHHGHG!!"

And with a giant explosion, the innocent couple was sent to an early grave, the house and the entire mountain range getting reduced to nothingness.

At the bottom of the snowy valley was Pyrrha, happily skipping along, completely ignoring the explosion. She wasn't even wearing any winter clothing, she was just wearing what she did when she escaped.

Pyrrha: "Now how the fuck do I reach Argus?"

After a couple of minutes, she can see someone in the distance, it was a woman on a horse, pulling a small wagon.

Pyrrha: "HMMM...MEAT..." She says before taking off, sprinting full speed towards the woman.

There was no time to react before Pyrrha throws the woman off the horse and disconnects the wagon, getting on the horse herself.

Woman: "What the fuck are you doing!!?"

Pyrrha: "Thanks for the horse meatbag!"

Before she can protest the woman gets tied up by Pyrrha, getting put on the back of her own horse.

Pyrrha: "Now I hope for your sake that you packed some food in these bags or else you're the first thing I'm eating."

Woman: "HMMHMH!!?" She tries to say through her gag.

Pyrrha: "Now onwards my trusty steed, I shall call you Tesco!!"

TIMESKIP - THREE DAYS LATER - VALE

Pyrrha was almost there, almost at her lover's house. She was once again on foot as the horse had perished from the non-stop marathon, but she wasn't fussed about that, she was enjoying the taste of the ripped-off arm in her hands, one that was generously donated by the woman she'd tied up.

She stops her munching and stops dead in her tracks when she spots something amazing, her lover was right there in the park across the street!!

He was currently with a woman, but those are unimportant details...

Pyrrha: "DARLING!!! DARLING!! I'M BACK!!!"

Y/N immediately turns around, looking happier than he has in years.

Y/N: gasp "Pyr Pyr!!"

They both run into each other's arms, instantly starting a steamy make-out session.

Y/N: "Oh I've missed you so much."

Pyrrha: "I missed you too, but who's this hooker?"

Y/N: "Oh that's just Veronica, she was my fiance till now."

Veronica: "WAS!!?!?!"

Y/N: "Yeah 'was' come on, keep up with the pace."

Veronica: "B-But honey we were gonna get married next week a-and...I'm pregnant..."

Y/N: "Really? I'm not paying child support."

Veronica: "Bu-"

Pyrrha: "You're really annoying, here take this and entertain yourself." She says as she gives Veronica a dildo that she got from...somewhere.

Veronica: "What the fuc-"

The reunited couple completely ignored her and walked off, staring lovingly into each other's eyes.

Y/N: "So how was the escape from Atlas's psych ward?"

Pyrrha: "It clearly took a lot of time but it was fun nonetheless, I made everyone my bitch."

Y/N: "That's my girl!" He says before kissing her again.

Pyrrha: "Wanna go home and play some video games while chugging whiskey?"

Y/N: "It's like you read my mind."

So they cross the street and start walking towards their house.

Y/N: "By the way, I've got a spare wedding next week, you wanna get married?"

Pyrrha: "Of course I'll marry you!!! I'll wear my best dress, the mecha one."

Y/N: "The red one with the machine guns?"

Pyrrha: "Yep."

Y/N: "Nice."

They continue walking for the next few minutes till Pyrrha's stomach growls.

Pyrrha: "Wanna go to Arby's first?"

Y/N: "Oh you just want to get into another competition with the woman behind the counter."

Pyrrha: "She's the one to start it, saying she can produce more breast milk lattes than I can."

Y/N: "I guess that's true...sure why not?"

At last Pyrrha and Y/N were reunited, now with a wonderful wedding to look forwa-

Stacy: "STOP RIGHT THERE YOU REDHEAD FUCK!!!"

Vlad: "STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM!!!"

Pyrrha gets pulled out of Y/N's hold by a very angry-looking couple, a very familiar angry-looking couple...

Stacy: "Remember us you cunt?"

Pyrrha: laughs "Yeah, house go boom!"

Vlad: growls "It was a long way back to the world of the living you know?"

Pyrrha: "Really? I'm not a GPS so I wouldn't know!"

Stacy: sighs "Forget it, the point is that you are now going to make up for what you've done for all eternity, we're now going to live with you for the rest of your life."

Pyrrha: "Cool, someone to play Counter-Strike with!" She says, making the couple just shake their head.

Y/N and Pyrrha continue to Arby's, now with the undead couple in tow.

And with that the story of Pyrrha is over, leaving us at a happy endi-

Y/N: "How did you two even get back if you died?"

Stacy: "We made a deal with a scarred man in a red leather jacket."

Y/N: chuckles "Oh him? I know him..."

You know what?

I quit, I don't get paid enough for this shit!

Be a narrator they said...it'll be fun they said...

Fuck them...

AN: Hope you all enjoyed this one!

Thanks for requesting HopeTheAssassin