Ashton rocked into me again, gripping the sheets by my side as pleasure took over his senses. I dragged my fingernails down his back as he went deeper, losing control of his rhythm. Sweat began to shine on our skin, making it easier for our bodies to slide against each other. “Oh my God!” Ashton groaned above me, making me crave to hear him moan again. I clamped my thighs tight against his hips, my high coming even closer. “Ashton, faster..” I breathed making him pump into me quicker. My whole body felt warm, tingly as my breaths quickened. I moaned in response to my nearing orgasm. “Yes! Ashton!” I cried…
"Ashton!" I yelled, jolting up in bed. Sweat dripped down my forehead, stinging my eyes as it came into contact. Footsteps pounded down the hall. "Y/N are you okay!?" Y/B/F/N puffed as she burst through my door, worry lighting up her eyes. I wiped the droplets off my face with my wrist, before looking at the slick, gloss covering my skin. "Uh.. yeah. Yeah I’m fine." I frowned, not meeting Y/B/F/N’s eyes. "Are you sure?" She asked, still worried about me. My heart still pounded hard against my chest, the memory from two years ago now haunting my dreams. "Yeah I’m sure." I fake-smiled, looking at Y/B/F/N with the most confident look I could give. "Okay then." Just as she began shutting the door, she stopped, frowning while coming back in. "Why did you yell Ashton’s name?" My face completely drained of colour as my brain scrambled for a lie. "Uh. I uh.. I dreamt that Ashton was in trouble and I was too late to save him." I lied, shrugging as innocently as I could. Y/B/F/N nodded and smiled at me, shutting the door behind her as she left. I slammed myself into my pillows, frustrated with my nightmare. The secret I’ve kept for two years has returned and was haunting my dreams now. So many emotions overwhelmed me that they felt like one, large, indescribable heap of hurt and my chest felt heavy. I couldn’t decide whether to scream or try to forget about it. But neither of them seemed like they would help so I rolled over, letting my pillow muffle any noises as I sobbed until my throat felt raw.
~~~~
I shoved the jumper into my bag, packing the last of some clothes to take to Y/B/F/N and Ashton’s house. She didn’t want me to be by myself seeing how lonely my apartment was now so she invited me to stay at their place. “Ready Y/N?” Y/B/F/N called from the lounge room. “Almost! Just give me a sec!” I called back, pulling my phone out of my shorts pocket. I scrolled through my contacts list before stopping on my mum’s name. Biting my nails, I hesitated, wondering if I should ask her for advice. She was the only person I could really count on right now so I decided to hit her number. Mum answered on the second ring. “Hello Y/N!” She chirped. “Hey mum.” I said unenthusiastically. “What’s wrong? Mum asked, concerned with my tone. “I need some advice.” I mumbled, playing with the hem of my shirt. “Sure honey. What do you need help with?” Mum sounded so happy and I didn’t want to bring her down but what else could I do? I sighed, looking at the bedroom door before facing the wall again. “It’s about the thing with Ashton.” I crumpled the hem of my shirt in my hand, getting more anxious with every second of silence I received from my mum. After what seemed like an eternity mum finally spoke. “You need to tell her.” I knew that this was what I wanted to do, but now that someone said it out loud it seemed like the worst idea I’d ever heard. “I don’t know if I can.” I whispered, staring down at my feet. “I know you can. You’re so strong.” I could hear the smile in her voice. It made me feel better. “Thanks mum I really—” I began, but mum cut me off. “But I am very disappointed in you firstly, for doing it and secondly for not telling her. It was very awful of you.” My jaw dropped as what she said sunk in, her words poking at my still open wounds. “You know I regret what I did.” I said, my voice trembling, tears forming in my eyes. “I know. But sometimes that’s not good enough.” Mum said before hanging up. What was happening? Now mum was against me? I sobbed once, shocked with the conversation. I couldn’t lose her. Not my mum. “Y/N seriously. Are you ready to go or what?” Y/B/F/N said, her footsteps coming closer to my room. I wiped quickly at my eyes before she came in. “Yeah I’m ready.” I said, rising from the bed to grab my bag. I walked past Y/B/F/N and headed out the front door, eager to get away from the nest of all my problems.
~~~~
“Hey Y/N.” Ashton smiled politely, taking my bag for me. “Hey Ashton.” I mumbled, averting his gaze. Ever since our mistake was dug up from the past I couldn’t function properly around my best friend or him. I wanted to tell Y/B/F/N the truth but I didn’t want to do it without telling Ashton. Which was what I was going to talk to him about when we had a chance to be alone. Ashton frowned curiously at me but shrugged it off. He greeted his girlfriend with a kiss and a smile and it tore my heart in two that their relationship could be destroyed because of me. Maybe I shouldn’t tell her. “Okay Y/N! I’ll let you get settled in while I pop out to the shops. Okay bye!” Y/B/F/N chirped before leaving. I turned to face Ashton, a new found confidence rising deep from within. “Ashton we need to talk.” I said seriously. Ashton just frowned then smiled, not sure whether he should take what I said lightly or not. “Ashton. I mean it.” I said, pointing to the ground as if that would prove my point. “Okay.” He replied, squinting his eyes slightly in curiosity an surprise. I was never that serious around him, so I wasn’t shocked by his reaction. We walked into the lounge room and he flopped onto the couch while I stiffly sat myself down, trying to mentally prepare what I was going to say. “So what’s up?” Ashton asked. I shifted myself so I was facing him. “We need to talk about what happened. From two years ago.” I stated, my confidence still pushing me along. Ashton rubbed his thighs nervously. “What are you talking about?” He frowned, leaning forward and then sitting back, not sure how to sit. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.” I replied simply. Ashton stopped his fidgeting and moving, but did anything he could not to look me in the eye. “What is there to say?” He shrugged. “I need to tell Y/B/F/N.” Ashton’s head flicked toward me, his gaze stone cold. My heart rate increased, nervous about what he would say. “No way.” He laughed cruelly, shaking his head. I leaned forward eagerly, wanting so badly for him to understand. “Please Ashton I need to-” Ashton shot up from the couch. “I SAID NO!” He screamed, his face inches from mine. My whole body froze, not daring to move as I Ashton’s eyes bore into mine. “You will never tell her. We will never speak of this again. It was a mistake and we know it.” Ashton seethed, placing his hands onto either side of me, trapping me to the couch. “I’m not losing my girlfriend.” He growled, pushing off the couch and heading for the stairs. I became slightly angry with Ashton. He couldn’t tell me what to do. “But she’s my sister.” I called after him. “Sister or not, she can never know.” Ashton slammed his door behind him, leaving tension hanging in the air. I let out a deep breath, my heart and my head at odds over what to do. On one hand I could finally get this off my chest and Y/B/F/N would forgive me. But on the other I could ruin her relationship and lose her. “I don’t know what to do.” I whispered to myself, placing my head in my hands. Nothing seemed to be going write and it all started with Michael keeping a secret. My head shot up as I realised that a secret caused so many problems. I couldn’t let that happen again. “I have to tell her.” I breathed. A small plan began to piece together in my head of how I would break it to Y/B/F/N. My mind swirled with the hundreds of ways I could do this but I eventually settled on one. Nodding to myself, I rose from the couch, heading for my bag. I was going to do this. I was going to finally tell her. It felt like a weight had lifted off my chest and I smiled. Maybe things would work out after all.
~~~~
My nerves made it impossible to think straight as I paced the guest room, still trying to think of how to break it to Y/B/F/N. I whipped out my phone and sent her a quick text to say that I needed to talk to her privately. Soon enough Y/B/F/N was at the door. “What the hell Y/N. I’m literally down stairs.” She laughed, coming in further. “We need to talk.” I said, reminding me of the start of my conversation with Ashton. “Y/N what’s wrong?” Y/B/F/N questioned, sitting on the edge of the bed. My head felt light and my chest constricted, my body preparing itself for the news when I wasn’t actually ready to say it myself. I sat down next to Y/B/F/N and held her hands in mine, squeezing them softly. “I need to tell you something important..” I started. “Oh my gosh! You aren’t pregnant are you?” She asked, her eyes widening with her apparent realisation. “No no. It’s about something that leads up to that.” I mumbled, slowly raising my gaze to hers. “What?” She smiled, leaning back. I felt that hollow ache again and felt sick. “I… did something a few years ago Y/B/F/N.” I began, swallowing down the lump in my throat, “And I don’t think you’ll ever forgive me.” Y/B/F/N’s confused smile turned into a genuine, comforting one. “No matter what you do I’ll always be here for you.” I smiled back, the storm inside me slowing slightly. It made me feel better to hear that. My smile quickly faded as I resumed my confession, my palms becoming sweaty from nerves. “Y/B/F/N.. two years ago,” I looked directly into her eyes, baring my soul to her, “Ashton and I..” Y/B/F/N frowned and shook her head, tears pooling in her eyes. “No..” She whispered. I tightened my grip on her hands, not ready to let go. I needed to say it. “Y/B/F/N. Two years ago Ashton and I slept together.” I confessed. Y/B/F/N tugged her hands away from mine, still shaking her head as she rose slowly. “No. You didn’t. You’re lying.” She whispered. I shook my head and stood, taking a step toward her. “No I’m not.” I breathed. “YES YOU ARE!” Y/B/F/N screamed, stepping further away from me. “You have to be…” She sobbed. Tears fell to the floor as she began swaying. “Y/B/F/N you have no idea how sorry I am. You have to let me explain.” I choked, my pain overwhelming me. “No,” Y/B/F/N said, backing out of the room, clutching her hair, “I will never forgive you. I will never ever let you explain this. You mean nothing to me now. Nothing..” Y/B/F/N ran out of the room in tears. The weight that had lifted from me before now slammed back into me, heavier than before, leaving me breathless and shattered. I had now lost everyone close to me. I had no one now. Tears still fell down my face, but the rest of me was frozen, stuck to it’s place. I didn’t move for a long time. If I moved then maybe the realisation would hit me that my best friend, my sister, just walked out of my life and would never come back. And then I would be left alone. All alone.
A/N Holy moly this was intense and sad, even just editing it I feel sad! So in the next one I have planned some good things because gosh darn it she deserves it! And Michael will be there too!! I still hope you like this! :)
Bianca xx
