Vampire Knight The Start of love. Yuki X Zero. Part 1

Chapter 147 Yuki's Thoughts.

Chapter 147 Yuki's Thoughts.

After Her talk with Kaname, Yuki goes back to the Cafe. Thinking about Kaname with someone else. How that would complicate things even more. Bringing another person into this mess. Hurting someone else. Lying to someone else, besides to themselves. There wasn't even any real way to stay away from Kaname, to make it better. They shared there son. He was only six. They had many years of going back and forth. Of going to functions and important events together. They also had Ai. She might have been an adult, but that didn't change anything. They both were always there for her. She figured. It would be hard. This family was messed up enough. At the same time, it wasn't fair to ask Kaname to stay alone for lifetimes. She saw his loneliness. How he craved, what she had with Zero. She would just have to hide her emotions. Like she always did. She might not be able to control them with Zero, but she learned to hide them with Kaname. 

Keeping her deep love and desire for him hidden. He knew. she cared for him. He just really didn't know how much. Even when she was dating him. She always hid how she felt. Not wanting it to show or be like her relationship with Zero. Always in Fear of it. Now she hid it because she had to. No matter. How much she really wanted Kaname. She knew. They would never be happy while Zero was alive. She could never fully let go of him. Making this whole thing a big mess. Loving and lying to the two men. She loved dearly. She tried to let go of both of them many times. To only fail. She almost tried again and thought better of it. Why bother? The bond only drew her back to Zero. She knew. It was stronger than ever. So she just let go of all her pain and hurt. All the fear. She found a way of working around it. She knew. She would never be free of Zero. She finally realized to stop fighting it. To let go. Even when she was totally pissed at him. There was no use. So she would suck up the hurt and pain and let Kaname go. She knew. She needed to set him free. If he wanted someone else. She would let go. Make it work. Like he tries for her.

Later in the evening, Zero comes to pick Yuki up. Anna and Rai already to go. Rai liked Zero very much. After Zero telling Rai the story of the night, Yuki cleaned him up and took care of him. They bonded. He felt. He could trust Zero. Which made Zero glad. Rai was just one of the kids. Zero never treated him any different. In turn, Kaname never treated any of Zero's children different either. It was the one thing they dwelt with like adults. They loved each other's kids. In a way both feeling they were part of Yuki. So they were special. No matter who the father was.

Yuki and the kids piled up in Zero's car. Zero happy to take them to there home. Yuki just looking at the townhouse as they drove by. Thinking Kaname would be alone all weekend. A sadness coming over her. She knew. He needed his own life. He needed to move on.

"Hey, babe, What do you feel like for dinner?" Zero asks. "Anything you want. We can do take out. I am sure the kids will love it. I hope ZJ will be there when we get home. I truly miss him. I hate only seeing him on the weekends. " Yuki states. "He will. I told him. He had to stick around on the weekends. Since it was the only time you had with him." Zero replies. "Yea The child I wanted more than anything in this world. I barely see." Yuki says sadly. "It's not your fault. He could come with you. He just doesn't want to change his life." Zero responds. "No. Would you? We changed his life since he was five. Going back and forth. Never stable. Those two years, hanging out with Kharis. I am sure that confused him. When you came back it really wasn't much better. We kept running around in circles. And now me living with Kaname again, and bringing in a new child. Talk about a freaking mess." Yuki hisses. 

" I know. Its been hard on him. He is a good kid. He is happy living with me. I spend as much time with him as I can. He doesn't' mind that I work. He is at school anyway. " Zero responds. "When this is over I want to do better Zero. I hate that he never had the life the others did. Neither does Anna. Rai does for the moment." Yuki admits. "I think. It would be best to talk about this at home. Alone. Zero's eyes looking in the back seat at the two small children listening to there Ipods. "They are not hearing anything. They are too into what they are watching." Yuki responds. "I know this always ate away at you. I promise once we are together for good we will make it up to them. ZJ is only fourteen. We have a few more years." Zero replies. "I know. I just so want things to go back to what we had. I think. I focus too much on that. If we think about it. I don't think things could go back to that. We are different now. Too much has happened." Yuki confesses. " Maybe in a way, In some things. But our love hasn't changed. I want the same that you do. Its why I keep fighting for us." Zero comments. "I know. It's why I am still here." Yuki remarks.

They drive through the take out getting some burgers and fries. Heading home to the main house. Zero notices that there is a lot on Yuki's mind. That sometimes she may be quiet, but lately, she is stating how she is feeling. That there are things deep down that still hurt her. All revolving around Kharis. There was deep resentment there for everything that had happened. It was something Zero couldn't fix. It was a big part of there lives. Its taken almost ten years to come together and try to make this work again. Zero felt at this rate, Yuki wouldn't ever get over it. Even in lifetimes. He thought in ways Yuki was even worse than him. She just couldn't let it go. Even he was letting Kaname fade. It only took forty years. He thought to himself with a laugh. He also knew that no matter how she did try to let it go. Something would come up when they least excepted it. Kharis was always a ghost haunting them. Zero was thankful that Anna turned out to be his and Yuki's. He figured that even though Yuki fell in love with Anna, in time she could have still resented her. Seeing Kharis in her everytime she looked at her. It was one thing on their side. That wasn't an issue. It was there Child.