Lana pov...
Week 4 of Chris being away for work... Life is slowly going on... Oscar is doing good he looks forward to his calls every day... He was getting used to it all, but he was still counting down to the day he would be back... I smiled as Oscar would tell him what they would do when he was back most of it playing with Oscars favorite toys... Chris would be smiling from ear to ear just letting him ramble on... He would be asking about his day at school or what he has done all day listening patiently to it all with a big smile on his face... Chris would never cut him off and would only call when he was sure he had the time to listen. It was nice to see that even away he was there for Oscar... I was glad Oscar was doing better and dealing well with Chris being away so long... but to be honest... I was not...
Every day i would miss Chris even more... I was struggling... I did my best to keep it together during the day not wanting it to affect Oscar... I had started to help Lisa out at the theatre 2 days a week when Oscar was at school and the other days i would pour into work... I had finished my book and send it to my publisher and started a new one just to keep me busy... Normally i always took some time off between books but i wanted to keep busy... Going to bed at night was the worst...
I just felt off... I missed Chris so much it was almost if i was an addict with withdrawal symptoms... The only difference was that it wasn't getting better with time... Every night the bed seemed colder and bigger... Every night his pillow would slowly start smelling less like him...
Designing the set for the theatre was a good distraction though... I loved it, helping out seeing the kids smiling as every time the set came a bit more to life... Carly would stop by helping me and her and i had become quite close over the last few weeks... It was nice to be able to vent about motherhood and just swap stories and telling each other how we dealt with things...
But the last couple of days were different... I felt like something was going on... But i couldn't put my finger on it... Oscar and Lisa had been giggling and sneaking around but whenever i would ask what was going on they would say nothing... I let it go for now... But if it continued i would talk to Lisa about it... They probably weren't doing something wrong but i didn't like the idea of Oscar keeping secrets from me...
My phone rang and seeing Carly's name on my screen i answered. "Hey..." I said a bit distracted as i was still wondering what Lisa and Oscar were keeping from me... "Hey... What do you say of a girl's day tomorrow?" She asked. "That sounds good what did you have in mind?" I asked smiling. "Well i thought we could get some lunch and maybe get a manicure... Maybe a facial... You know just spoiling ourselves a bit... I already talked to ma, and she would gladly take the kids after school." She said and i could hear she was smiling through the phone.
After agreeing on a time, she would pick me up tomorrow we hung up the phone... I walked to the kitchen and smiles as i heard Lisa and Oscar play a game... I almost felt guilty for being a bit annoyed at the thought of them hiding something from me...
I started on dinner and just listened to them laugh and giggle... I had to admit that Lisa being here while Chris was away had been easier that i thought... I had my doubts well into the first week of him being gone but she was easy to have around... She was not one of those grandma's who would interfere with your parenting... I was scared that she would judge my parenting or hover over me all the time... But it was not like that...
When dinner was almost ready i walked to the living room telling Oscar to go wash his hands and he ran off. Lisa smiled seeing him running away. "He is such a sweet kid..." She said chuckling and i smiled at her. "He really has been thriving with you guys around... I am so thankful and happy to have you all in my life... It is so nice to see him being so loved and accepted..." I said and she smiled... She catches me by surprise by hugging me tight.
When she released me from my hug i could see a tear and i looked confused. "What is wrong?" I asked concerned... "Nothing... Just happy..." She said smiling wiping away her tears... "Lisa is something wrong... Please just tell me because i have this feeling you're keeping something from me the last few days... Is everything okay? Is it something with Chris or Oscar...?" I said and she looked at me shaking her head but with a little smirk appearing on her face... "Nothing is wrong... Everything is just right..." She said smiling and hugged me again. I sighed and just shook it off... Lisa wouldn't lie to me... Would she?
The rest of the evening was just quiet... We ate dinner and i told Oscar that Lisa would be picking him up from school tomorrow because i was going to spend the day with Carly... He was excited and after i had put him to bed Lisa and i just sat in the living room both of us reading a book...
The next day after i had brought Oscar to school i went back home and half an hour later Carly was picking me up. We drove to a spa and i looked at Carly who was smirking. "A spa?" I asked and she nodded... "Yeah, i thought we deserved some serious pampering..." She said still smirking.
We walked in and got greeted... The day was amazing... We had a manicure, massage and a facial. We had this amazing lunch and just relaxed and had fun... When we were done around 3, we went shopping and Carly said that we both should find a nice dress and treat ourselves to a nice dinner later...
I did notice she kept checking her phone and texting when she thought i wasn't looking... It was weird but i thought i was just losing my mind... Maybe i was just trying to see things that were not there... Maybe i was just my own worst enemy... Self-sabotage... My therapist called it...
The fact that everything was calm and easy... That there was no drama or violence... Was just all so foreign and new to me still... that sometimes as messed up as it sounds it didn't seem right... She told me it was all normal... She did suggest i would take Chris with me one day for a session so she could help me see that everything was normal... That my ex was the one that was not normal that the life i had with him was not normal... And according to my therapist the fact that i was now in a calm and safe environment made it i was finally able to deal with the grief and trauma...
Chris was open to the idea and told me when he was back would go with me... Sometimes i just surprised myself about the fact that i was so open talking about all this with Chris... He made it so that i felt safe to talk about it... Which made me feel even more guilty at times for thinking it would change eventually... Chris always said it was not necessary that he understood with my past some things were just confusing and hard but that he always would be here and patient... That he would show me every day that there was nothing to be scared off when it came to him and his family... He said he would spend his life showing me that i was safe that you could talk about your feelings and not be afraid to do so...
Calm communication... He always said with a smile on his face... He said he would spend his life loving me and Oscar and that he was so happy to spend the rest of his life with us... I just couldn't help but smile at the thought of that... and told him that sounded like the best thing ever...
Carly and i walked through this fancy dress store trying on some things... Carly kept bringing me dressed to try on... after finally deciding on a short cut dark blue dress... we go to a salon that a friend of Carly owned to get all dolled up before dinner... As someone was working on my hair i saw Carly whispering and giggling with her friend and i wondered what about because the keep glancing over to me...
When we were both all dolled up Carly looked at me... "I made reservations..." She said smiling but it was a nervous smile... and i wondered why she was so nervous... I just nodded and we walked to the car and got in... Carly started the car and we drove off....
We arrived at the place and after Carly had parked, we walked to the restaurant... Carly and i were talking and laughing when i all of a sudden froze... "Chris..." I whispered... He was here... He was really here...
