Lana pov...
Ever since we told the family we were pregnant they come around a lot more... I love them i really do but sometimes it is a lot... What freaks me out the most is that they keep touching my belly without asking and i try to avoid it when i can... I mostly excuse myself telling them i am tired, but they are getting suspicious... Lisa starts to worry because she thinks i am too exhausted and something must be wrong...
I dont want to be like this... This is a big deal for Chris and his family... But the thought of being touched and groped makes me feel... I dont know like some sort of cow... It's like i lost all say over who can touch me because i am pregnant... I am scared to bring it up because i dont want to disappoint anyone or have them be mad at me. I love that they are so excited but i just wished they stopped touching me without asking. I wished they would call before coming over so i could prepare...
I never had a problem with them coming over without asking... I dont know why i had now... Everyone has an opinion about the nursery, names, whether to breastfeed or bottle feed... And even about the delivery... Lisa kept suggesting she will be in the delivery room... I just feel so small... Like i dont have a say... Lisa also suggested she stay with us for a week or so to help out after the baby is born and as much as i love her... When the baby is here i want some alone time with Chris, Oscar and the baby... So, we can bond as a family...
Chris is amazing... Anything i want he gets me... But he doesn't seem to notice how his family is behaving or maybe he sees nothing wrong with it. I just feel lost... This has been going on for weeks now and i dont know how to tell them... I should have said something right away and it feels like it is too late now... I just froze the first time it happened, and it spiraled from there...
Strangely the only ones to seem to notice my discomfort is Bob and Oscar... Bo doesn't stray from my side... He is getting older, and he is starting to have trouble walking and i think he is going blind... But he keeps nudging my belly and laying his head on it... This i dont mind...
Oscar wants to cuddle all the time... It is the cutest thing. He talks to his sibling because he once had woken up and walked in the bedroom to see Chris reading a bedtime story to the baby... nine out of ten times when i would go and take a nap Oscar would lay with me to cuddle... Only to leave when i had fallen asleep....
Maybe the fact that it was all so overwhelming because my pregnancy with Oscar was nothing like this... Maybe i just wasn't used to people being happy that i was pregnant... I had already made an appointment with my therapist to talk it over... To scared that i would explode... and piss everyone off...
I was 19 weeks now and i was showing... And the thing that had changed was that somehow the press had gotten wind of the situation and were now on the hunt for the first bump picture... I still could hide it with a big coat... But it was annoying having them follow us when we did the Christmas shopping... When we did the shopping for gifts... and them following us when we went to Carly's for the new year's party... It didn't help that we left around 1 because i was so tired that i couldn't keep my eyes open... They were everywhere and that made me even more anxious...
Chris and i had decided that we would be getting a statement out and i was a little sad because i had wished to put out the video of me telling him... He was so adorable... I just wanted the world to see the look in his eyes... The shock and pure joy... But i couldn't because the mustache was showing and apparently the director of the movie wanted to keep the mustache hidden for a little longer... It had annoyed me that they all agreed that keeping a freaking mustache secret was more important than our pregnancy announcement... Like i said i had a feeling i had no say in anything... It made me sad and yet i knew that this could be my life... This was the side of Chris his job we had to deal with...
I had asked Chris what they could do if i had posted the video anyway... I was angry... He had just hung up with the producer who just wouldn't budge... Chris said we just couldn't and i had been moping and grumpy all day that day... I know it hadn't been fair on my part because Chris couldn't help it but for the rest of the day i was just in a foul mood... I had taken Oscar out to dinner that night just some time the two of us and of course Lisa was there when we came back... It took everything in me to not explode and i just went to bed. The next day i had finally given in and we would do just a picture of the bump in the hope the press would stop hunting...
We would do a photoshoot for the picture and i was already getting tired just thinking about it but i guess i had no choice... I started to wonder if i was just being difficult... Maybe it was the hormones... But all i wanted was some time me, Chris and Oscar and that didn't seem to be possible lately... It was getting to me... It made me wonder how it would be when the baby was going to be here... I was scared... Scared that the life i loved with Chris would change... That that part of our life was going to be over...
