Lana pov...
I didn't have to pick anything up today... I just needed a breather... a moment for myself... To organize my thoughts... My birthday was coming up... The day my whole life changed... The day Ava died... After she took us in, we decided to celebrate my birthday for the first time... Never in my life had i celebrated it... My parents didn't celebrate it because that was a sin... Kyle said i was not worth celebrating and it was a waste of money and time...
So, after getting out of that house with Oscar and Ava taking us in, she convinced me to celebrate my birthday for the first time... We had a fun dinner with Oscar and after dropping him off for a sleep over... We were going to have a few drinks just the 2 of us... Singing and dancing around the house in our underwear... Just a girl night... It was sappy and maybe a bit childish... But ever since i was a teenager i had dreamed of a girl's night.
But it turned out to be a nightmare... At the end of the night Ava was dead and our whole life changed... I swore i would never celebrate my birthday again...
So, when Chris had asked me what i wanted to do for my birthday i had told him nothing... He was confused and i know i should have told him why i didn't want to celebrate... But i couldn't... It hurt and i felt guilty... The last few months i had been so happy caught up with life and planning the wedding that there were days she had slipped my mind... I just had forgotten about her... My life had been such a rollercoaster from the moment Chris entered my life... in a good way of course that some days... i just forgot about her...
But with my birthday approaching... It all came back... and hard... Sometimes i wondered why i was still here and she was not... and that maybe it should have been the other way around... I dont know were i would have been right now if i didn't had Oscar...
I parked the car next to the lake and got out... I walked over this little dock and sat down taking a deep breath... The water was calm... It was a beautiful day... I loved the seasons here... I took a deep breath of fresh air and smiled as a duck swam by looking at me as if i was crazy...
Maybe i am... I am so happy... I am going to get married to the most amazing man... Who love not only me but my amazing kid... He loves Oscar so much that he adopted him... They want to throw me a party and celebrate me and yet here i am not wanting it because i dont think i can be happy on that day...
I just couldn't bring myself to be all festive on that day... I take another deep breath and look at the time on my phone and see that i have to hurry to go and pick up Oscar from school so i get back into the car and make my way to the school.
I smile as my sweet boy runs up to me and hugs me tight. "Hey sweetheart did you have a good day at school?" I ask hugging him a bit tighter. "Yes!" He says and i smile. "What do you say that we are going to get some ice cream..." I say smiling and he nods and releases me and runs to the car. I text Chris that we are going to get ice cream and that i dont know how late we will be back.
Oscar talks about his day as we drive to the ice cream shop and i chuckle as he complains that he was not allowed to talk during class... He keeps rattling on and i just smile listening to him... I love the fact he loves school so much. I have to admit that since he is in the new school, he is doing better than ever...
Chris and i went to parent teacher night the other day and they had nothing but nice things to say about Oscar... I am so proud of him.
We walk into the ice cream shop and after we get some ice cream we sit down. "So mommy wanted to talk to you about something..." I say smiling and Oscar looks at me while eating his ice cream. "As you know i am going to marry Chris... in October..." I say smiling and Oscar smiles back nodding profusely. "And i was wondering if you wanted to walk with mommy down the aisle... and bring me to Chris..." I say smiling and Oscar smiles. I know that he doesn't really understand yet what it means but i wanted to somehow make him part of our day and i think walking down the aisle with him was going to be nice. "You dont have to do it... and even if you say yes now but dont want to then it is okay..." I say smiling because knowing the people who will be there it can be a bit overwhelming for him... Hell, it will be overwhelming for me... Oscar nods and i smile.
"Mom?" He asks his voice soft and a bit hesitant all of a sudden. "Yes sweetheart?" I say before taking a bite of my ice cream. "Are you going to have a baby?" Oscar asks and i look at him shocked. My heart hurts for a second thinking about our baby we lost but i push those feelings down. "I am not having a baby right now sweetheart.... Mommy is not pregnant... Why are you asking baby...?" I ask Oscar and he takes a deep breath.
"Charlene said once you and dad were married... you would have a baby and not love me anymore..." He mumbles and i sigh... This Charlene kid is really getting on my nerves. "No baby... You will always be our first kid and we will always love you.... I love you so much sweetheart" I said and he smiled at me taking another bite of his ice cream.
