Lisa had gone back home after staying another night helping out with the kids so i could focus most of my energy on Oscar who is really struggling with his best friend being gone... Lisa wanted to stay another night changing her schedule but i told her she didn't have to do that... I told her i was already so thankful for what she had done for us and to just go home and i would call if something would change.
Oscar was asleep next to min bed not wanting to sleep alone Dodger was lying at his feet... He was glued to Oscar more than usual and it was helping a little to deal with the grief... I sigh and close my eyes... I can't seem to fall asleep again... The last night's i barely got some sleep... I was exhausted but between worrying about Oscar and taking care of Maeve not wanting to let Lisa do everything i just couldn't fall asleep...
All of a sudden Dodger lifts his head and i hear the front door open and close... I slip out of bed and walk to the front door and sigh seeing Chris taking of his jacket hanging it up... "Hey sweetheart..." He whispers and i practically run over to him and wrap my arms around him and start to cry... Really cry... "Oh sweetheart..." He whispers and he lifts me up and carries me to the living room sitting down on the couch pulling me in his lap...
I just cry as Chris rubs my back telling me to let it all out... I can't stop crying i have been holding back so i could be there for Oscar but now Chris is home the dam broke and everything is coming out... "Dad?" A little sad voice says... "Hey bud... Come here..." Chris answers and i feel Oscar crawling beside him and Chris pulls him closer now holding both of us and we both cry in his arms...
"We miss Bob..." Oscar said sobbing and he was partly right that that was the reason i was crying... Yes, i missed Bob but i was more crying out of exhaustion of keeping it together for the last few days... "I know bud..." Chris said and planted a kiss on top of his head...
"He is in heaven now..." Oscar said and i got up because i heard Maeve starting to cry... Chris took my hand giving me a knowing look before i pulled away and walked over to the nursery... The look was like he got what i was thinking and although i needed him so much right now Oscar needed him more...
I take my little girl out of her crib and sigh... Her diaper probably had shifted, and she was covered in poop so i undressed her cleaned her off and started a bath for her... After the bath i laid her down on a play blanket so i could clean her crib putting the sheets in the washing machine turning it on immediately... I was working on auto pilot... I walk back to the nursery and put new sheets in the crib and pick up Maeve to feed her...
I sigh as she latches on... I feel the tears coming again as i am so tired... I barely can keep my eyes open... I softly sob feeding my little girl and when i am done i get out the chair so as not fall asleep and start to burp her...
I groan when i feel something warm run down my back and i can't take it anymore and i sink down to the floor crying holding my girl but i am burned out... Maybe 3 hours of sleep taking care of Oscar trying my best to keep my emotions in so i wouldn't be the one sobbing the hardest... Listening to my son cry and hold him until he was asleep... Yes, Lisa had been here to help but i didn't want to take advantage and let her do everything and i Oscar had been clinging to me like glue... I just couldn't keep it together anymore...
I can hear Chris in the hallway, but it doesn't register and a few moments later he crouches down in front of me taking Maeve out of my hands... He puts her in the crib kissing the top of her head before taking my arms pulling me up and for a moment i protest because i am covert in baby puke... But he just holds me tight... "Come on..." He whispers after a while and takes my hand and leads me out of the nursery and towards our bedroom.... I see Oscar asleep in our bed and sigh... "He is heartbroken... And i can't fix it..." I mumble and Chris sighs kissing the top of my head... "It takes time sweetheart..." He whispers back.
Chris leads me to the bathroom and slowly starts to undress me... "When was the last time you had some sleep?" He whispers and i shrug my shoulders staring ahead of me almost in a catatonic state... "Probably the night before Bob died..." I mumble and Chris sighs and turns on the shower... "Go take a shower i will get you some clean clothes..." He whispers giving me a sweet kiss and i nod and step under the warm water closing my eyes and just let it run over me...
A few moments later i feel Chris step behind me in the shower and he starts to wash my hair and after that he washes my body... I can barely keep myself standing up straight as my body gives in knowing i can because Chris is home...
When he has dried me off and put me in my pj's he gets changed himself and he lays in the middle of the bed on his back so he can hold both me and Oscar close and i cuddle into him and he wraps his arm around me kissing the top of my head...
"I am happy your home..." Is the last thing i mumble before drifting off in a deep sleep...
