Chris pov...
I kiss Lana again passionately and i dont know if it is the alcohol that makes me braver or that it's just because Oscar isn't here, and we could really talk about it now... "I dont want you to go Sunday..." I whisper into the kiss... She sighs and buries her head in my chest.
"Chris..." She whispers but she doesn't continue... I just wrap my arms around her and hold her... "I just want you and Oscar here..." I whisper... "Chris... It is too soon..." She whispers not moving. "Why... why... is it too soon... when you know you know... and i know..." I whisper...
She looks up at me and cups my face kissing me... "Chris it would be a lie if i would tell you that i dont want it... I love being with you... I love falling asleep and waking up next to you... I love our little routine... but..." She says... and i sigh
"But what..." I whine... "I love you... I love Oscar... i love having you two around and the thought of not having you here makes me sick... The thought of not seeing you first thing in the morning hurts..." I say and she smiles and takes my hand leading me into the living room... The dogs come running up to us, but Lana sends them back to their spot...
Lana pulls me to the couch, and we sit down... "Chris... it has only been about two weeks that Oscar and i are here... We haven't been dating for that long... And yes, it is going great... And yes, i love being here... I won't lie about that... But what if we move in here and that all changes... I have Oscar to think about... Oscar is still a guest here and behaving accordingly... What would you do when he throws one of his tantrums... What if you dont like him so much after that... And yes, he loves you already i know that... He listens to you, and you are amazing with him... but..." She says but i cut her off by cupping her face and kissing her...
"Do you think i dont know kids can throw tantrums... Do you think i would just throw you both aside when it gets tough... I made you a promise... and i keep my promises... Lana, it took me 40 years to find you... 40 long years and i dont want to waste time... I love you... You and Oscar are the best thing that ever happened in my life..." I say and she smiles blushing...
"You really want this... do you..." She whispers... "Yes... but if you really are not ready i can wait... I dont want to push you into something you are not ready for..." I say letting out a sigh...
"Chris it is not that i dont want to... It is not even that i am not ready... I am just scared Chris..." She whispers. "What are you scared about sweetheart..." I whisper putting my finger under her chin making her look me in the eyes...
"Please dont be mad..." She whispers and i smile... "I never will be mad at you for telling me how you feel... However, you feel is valid i will never tell you otherwise... All i want is to talk about it so i maybe i can take away some of your worries or fears..." I say and she smiles at me before kissing me again... "Sometimes i wonder if you are real..." She whispers and i blush...
"Chris i fought so hard for my independence and deep down i know you will not take that away from me but i am scared i will lose that again..." She says and i take her hand... "You are right... I would not... I admire how strong you are... And of course, i wished you never had to go through all you have gone through... but i think you are amazing for getting through that and still standing... If someone has a reason to be angry and bitter, it is you... But you are not... You are sweet and full of love and laughter but above all... So strong... and that makes me even love you more... I would never decide thing for you... All i can ask is that we talk thing through because i think that that is what makes a relationship work... communication and compromise..." I say and she blushes... "What else scares you sweetheart?" I ask her...
I am scared that when Oscar gets tough to handle you will resent us for it and i dont think we can handle that rejection... You are used to having no obligations family wise but that would change then... Are you really prepared to give up your life as it is... I know you are away from home for some lengths of time..." She says taking a deep breath before continuing...
"I am scared Chris... I am scared that you will find someone who fits into your life better... It would break me... But it would hurt Oscar even more... I am scared i already am in too deep and that i already have been too selfish by risking it all again... Because fuck i love you so much... You are everything i ever dreamed of and then i am not talking about the house... or the money... or your status... I couldn't care less about all of that... I would love you if you were just Chris... I mean what is in here and here..." She says poking my chest and then tapping my forehead...
"Sweetheart... Like i said before i waited for you my whole life... I am never letting you go unless you ask me to... I will never find someone better... I am sure... I know that you love me for me... I never thought you are with me for money or status... I know you are scared what people might think... But i dont care what people think... As long as we are happy... That is all that matters..." I say taking her hand in mine...
"Tell me Lana... Tell me without overthinking... Are you happy...?" I ask her and she blushed and for a second she is quiet and i am scared that she is going to tell me she is not...
"I am happier than i have ever been..." She says softly... "But aren't you scared...? Scared that this is just the puppy love phase...?" She follows up... I take her face between my hands and kiss her...
"No... Not at all... Because it is not... I know it is not..." I say and she smiles and i kiss her again... "How are you so sure...?" She whispers... "Sweetheart... I am sure because every time i see you my heart skips a beat... The thought of not having you and Oscar around hurts... I wake up every day with a smile because i get to spend it with you and Oscar... And i know i will be away sometimes... But the thought of coming home to you two makes me smile..." I say and i kiss her with everything i got...
"Can we compromise..." She murmurs into the kiss. I smile and look at her. "What do you suggest..." I say and she blushes...
"First of all... I need to have a talk with Oscar... I need to ask him if he would be okay with it... and that he understands what it all means and entails... Look i think he will be thrilled but... If he is not... I cannot... I can't throw his life upside down again without explaining it properly..." She says and i nod...
"I get that and i agree he has to be comfortable with it... What is the second thing?" I ask her excited... "Would you oppose to me keeping my apartment... It is not that i think it will not work out... But it would take away a lot of my anxiety... I have a lease for another year... I just signed a lease for a year just before we met... When my lease will be up for renewal we can discuss and evaluate..." Lana whispers... "As long as you promise me one thing..." I whisper. "What?" She asks me...
"Whenever we have a disagreement, you can't run back before talking with me... You can't hold it over me... saying that you will go back as a threat..." I whisper and she smiles. "I would never... but the same goes for you... You can't send me and Oscar back before talking it through... Let's agree that me moving back means it is not working and we have given up... But i promise i will not give up easily... But please promise me the same... Promise me that whenever it gets tough... You will fight for us..." She whispers and i smile and kiss her hard and passionate... "I promise..." I murmur into the kiss, and we are now both smiling...
"So, we are doing it?" I ask her smiling, and i feel excitement rise inside of me and she nods... "Yes... but i have to talk to Oscar first..." She says and i kiss her again... Because i am 99% sure he is going to be all excited... So, i am not too worried about that...
"Are we crazy?" She asks when we come up for air... I chuckle. "Crazy in love..." I say smirking and Lana starts giggling... "Okay Beyonce..." She says smirking rolling her eyes and i laugh... before kissing her again...
