BULLIED

Story 190

I've always been overweight ever since I was a little girl. Obviously, since I was fat, I was bullied. A lot. I used to be extremely sensitive( still am, actually) and people's words pierced like knives. I remember having suicidal thoughts at the age of nine! Wherever I went, people used to label me as 'fat'. I used to be miserable because every day in school people used to tease me, call me names. In fact, in the 4th grade, I had the biggest crush on this boy who had been nothing but sweet to me but on the last day of school, just as I was leaving, he came to me and teased me relentlessly about me weight. I remember just going home and howling and crying. I also remember sitting in my room, aged 8, and crying about the fact that people just didn't stop calling me fat. Slowly however, I began building a wall, the stuff people said obviously affected me but not as much as before. Instead of having zero friends like before, I slowly made a bunch of them who loved me for me. However little did I know that all of the bullying me people did lead to a number of problems. I don't know if this has happened to every one who has been shamed for their body type but it most certainly did happen to me. I have never been so insecure of my body in my entire life. I've never once thought myself as beautiful or pretty, as I've grown, it's been imprinted in my mind that as long as I'm fat I'll never be pretty( thank you, bullies) and this lead to me starving myself for 3 days, eating 1 puny meal per day, and trying to puke my food out. I've only realized now how much bullying affected my life. Another example, I've always loved swimming but recently I went swimming after 2 years ( and that too in a dress) I can't enjoy myself without looking at another girl and thinking how pretty she is and if only I were like her. I don't like the person I've become into but it was the bullies who turned me into this. Although the bullying has decreased considerably, incidents like that keep happening, for example,quite recently I was out with a friend who told me to gaurd his bag while he went out. As a joke I said " I'll gaurd it with my life!" To which he replied " No need, your fat will be enough" I know he meant it as a joke but boy, did that hurt. I'm still continuing my battle with weight loss. I'm tired of being looked at, judged, feeling ugly. I just want to be content with my body for the first time in my life and not feel unwanted. Being bullied completely crushed me, twisted my insides and moulded me into a person I very much hate and I hate the fact that this continues to happen.