BULLIED

Submission 860

What type of bullying did you experience (cyberbullying, teasing, name calling, physical altercations, etc.)?

- teasing & name calling. Cyberbllying once.

How old were you when the bullying started? Who bullied you (please be vague by using terms such as old friend, classmate, neighbor, etc.)?

- I was seven years old. A couple of guy classmates(one honestly thought he was messing around like friends do though & stood up for me)

What would the bullies say or do to you?

- They said a lot of things, most of which I don't remember because now that I look back they were stupid things if I don't even remember now. A few people in choir(during forth grade) made/treated me like I wanted to be perfect because I tried & put my heart into it. It was so bad I didn't go for 6 weeks, telling my instructor various things like a doctor's appointment our a big test; then I'd just tell my mom it was cancelled. This hurt me because music was/is my life. The kids in my class started to do things day one of second grade. They never gave me a chance! They'd call me a lot of things, but what I remember now is weird, a freak. In forth grade when I got glasses it was four-eyes & Harry Potter's sister. Before this had start though I had NO self-esteem or worth so it hurt more than it would have(maybe) if I had.

How did you feel while you were being bullied?

- Honestly I came home crying every single day wanting to die &it had gotten worst when my grandmother died during all of this. When she died I kept saying I just wanted to be in heaven with her. I was severely depressed. No seven year old needs to be that depressed. On multiple occasions I'd thought if just taking the largest knife in the kitchen & just ending it. Just stab my heart & bleed to death.

How did you feel after being bullied?

- I didn't feel anything. I was an empty shell of my former self. Inside I knew I'd died. I just moved... robotically I guess. Not really carrying. I mean for crying out loud the only reason it stopped to begin with was because I'd gotten knee surgery(over what they called me a freak for).

Now though I'm still on guard. I don't let my shield down. But I'm coming out bit by bit. I have more friends than I ever thought I would, that's for sure.

Did anything help you cope with that feeling?

- Music. It's always been music. It's why I'm here today. Two songs in particular - Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson & Welcome To My Life by Simple Plan.

Have you ever self-harmed and/or fallen into a state of depression as a result of being bullied?

- Depression yes. Self harm no, but I've thought of it.

Have you ever contemplated suicide as a result of being bullied?

- Everyday for four years.

Have you told anyone you know that you were bullied?

- A few. My mom.

Why/why not?

- Because the few people I've told have been through bullying as well. My mom was there while it happened. She'd try her best to help me.

How long were you bullied for?

- For four years. Starting age seven &v ending at age eleven.

Are you still being bullied?

- Thankfully not...

ADVICE: Never give up on life. Keep fight. I know that, sadly, the fight is never over. The memories will constantly haunt you & break you down when pushed further & further towards the edge or your wall collapses or even just from stress. The only thing we can do then is to look back on how strong that pain made us though & how far we've come from being that low in life, that depressed or broken. We're fighters... We're survivors... & it's all we'll ever know instinctively.