BULLIED

Submission 838

I think I was bullied by my first grade teacher.

I should clarify by saying that this teacher was actually a substitute for my (really nice) first grade teacher, who left in the Spring after having her second child. For whatever reason, this substitute didn't like me, even though I'd never given her a reason to-I never got in trouble, I was a people pleaser, and I barely even talked because I was so quiet and shy. A part of me thinks it was a race issue, since I'm black, but I honestly can't say for sure-I never was very good at picking up on racism. Since it was over fifteen years ago, I can only remember one particular incident when it was clear that the substitute had something against me.

I was sick, but I still went to school. I don't remember what my sickness was, but I remember that after a while, if I didn't drink water, my throat would basically close up, making it difficult to breathe. Well, naturally I had a water bottle with me, in case I needed to take a drink (because for whatever reason, the water re-opened my throat). I remember that my class was sitting on the classroom rug, and the substitute was either reading to us or talking about something. My throat was getting scratchy, dry and starting to close up, so I quietly took a drink of my water bottle. The substitute snapped at me for drinking water while she was talking, and forced me to give my water bottle to her. Since I was only a scared little six-year-old at the time, I of course gave it to her, because I didn't want to get in trouble. But then, after a few minutes of the substitute talking/reading again, my throat started to close up, to where I felt like I was a suffocating.

Apparently the substitute was human, because once she saw what was happening, she let me leave the classroom. I don't remember whether she gave me permission to just go get a drink or go to the nurse; but I remember going to the nurse's office after making a B-line for the water fountain on the way (since the substitute didn't give me my water bottle back).

I ended up going home that day after the nurse took my temperature. I know that I didn't have a fever that morning-if I did, my mom wouldn't have made me go to school-so it might have accumulated overtime. I'm not a doctor, and I don't remember what I was sick with, but the day was almost over, and I firmly believe that if I'd just been able to keep drinking water when I needed it, I could have made it through the school day without having to go home.

Anyway, maybe this isn't technically bullying since this is the only memory of this horrible substitute teacher that I can remember. But it still strongly effected me ... in the moment, it was traumatizing actually. And even though I was totally fine, now I wonder how I managed to not have more trust issues with adults.