BULLIED

Submission 523

"sticks and stones may break my bones but words can't hurt me." As a little kid, this was my favorite quote. Now, I completely hate it.

things that you should know about me before you read this:

1. my mom worked at a daycare/preschool. I went to that preschool.

2. during the summer there was a program called VENTURE, I had to be apart of that since my parents didn't trust me.

3. I have OCD

4. this is hard for me to do. I used to have a lot of confidence. but bullying destroyed that confidence for me. I haven't even written that much and I'm already crying and shaking.

5. I like to write, it is my escape. so I'm sorry if this is long.

6. my bullying story is sad and seems to repeat a lot. but it is sadly all true.

7. i have trust issues because of bullying

The first time I was bullied I didn't really know or care about it. I was in preschool, I only had 2 friends. my first friend was fine (she isn't in this story.) but my other friend was just mean. she bossed me around a lot. telling me to her certain supplies and whatnot. and when I wanted to play, she always told me to get lost. finally the day came. she asked me to get her scissors. I went to get them of course, but I held them improperly, they way you would cut someone. I walked up to her, snipping the scissors behind. she then screeched "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? ARE YOU TRYING TO CUT MY HAIR? DON'T YOU DARE CUT MY HAIR! GO AWAY!" I dropped the scissors and ran away to play with dolls by myself. The teachers did not even care that someone wasn't using their "inside voices" It didn't bother that much that she yelled at me. it did when she started calling me names, "LOSER, STINKY, WEIRDO!" from an adults ears, these aren't even insults. from a kids ears it was like bullets to my self esteem. My mom worked in a room called "the school age room" where after school kids from kindergarten to 7th grade went to hang out till their parents picked them up. when my "friend" called me names in the afternoon. I would knock on the window to the other room where my mom worked and give her what she calls "puppy dog eyes." she would then let me in and let me hang with the big kids. they were cool, they didn't call me names, they played board games with me and laughed at my jokes.

everything was fine until I went kindergarten, where I experienced my first real slice of bullying, when I started hating who i was. during the day, we would have free time to go to stations, they were little play area filled with plastic kitchen toys and other fun stuff. one station was called "the mailman letter area" ( i know weird name, we were kids.) the students were allowed to write to other students in the classroom. it was the most popular station. so naturally I hung out there. My writing was horrible then. my handwriting sucked, and i only knew a few words like " I love you, mommy and daddy, Sam (my dog at the time) and kitty. the other students were more advanced. so when ever i sent a letter to them they looked at me weird and ignored me. all i wanted was a letter back from someone. i never got one. then there was one kid who the entire class thought was annoying, (lets call him boy 1) boy 1 sat next to me for the longest time since our seats were assigned. one day he thought it would be hilarious to stab a pencil in my eye. i cried out in pain. i couldn't open my left eye (i think it was, it was a long time ago. i remember the pencil stabbing, i don't remember which eye.) i was crying very loudly. some of the students were laughing, others just stared, few didn't even look up. Boy 1 was moved after kindergarten.

then first grade came. the bullying still wasn't bugging me to much. teacher 1 thought it would be an awesome idea to have the students write their own stories and draw pictures to make their own book, students could read each others books and it will all be AMAZING!!!! nope. my handwriting still was horrible. i knew a few more words which was good. everyone wrote their own books, you were popular if your books were read. All i wanted was for someone to read just ONE of my books. once again nobody did. except for teacher 1. she told me my handwriting was unacceptable and i need to bring my 110%. little did she know, that was my 110%. i had to rewrite so many stories over. there were so many faded words from my eraser. one of the reason why i can't stand them today. they basically scream MISTAKE!