BULLIED

Submission 1036

Alright so here this goes. I decided to be a little more confident and try to share a bit if my bullying story.

Right now I am 12 and am being bullied, if that's what you can call it. Its a seriouse question is this bullying or am I just over dramatic? Is someone just trying to make my skin thicker?

As I said I am 12 now and my biological dad died (car accident) when I was 3 months old. I guess that's what started ALL of this. When I was three my mom (who I do seriously love) married my dad which I call by his real name. I don't exactly know when all of this started but it was 6 or 7. My dad (or I'll call him kangaroo) gets mad at me alot.

6 or 7 and 8: one time I got the wrong kind of toilet paper and kangaroo for mad at me and scratched my neck (fingernails nothing dangerouse) I had to lie to my mom about things like this all the time (and the rest of my family but they usually didn't notice anything). Of course it looked like a scratch a glowing red deep scratch. I lied to my mom. " I was playing with friends at soccer (which at that time I didn't have any friends) and one Accidentally scratched me. She believed me.

9 and 10: I got my dad water instead of Pepsi. So he picked me up and threw me against the fridge. I didn't break anything. But it still showed. I told my mom I was hanging out at recess and got myself stuck on a branch (I think I said a branch) which scratched me. She believed me... Again. Not noticing how a stick wasn't powerful enough to gash through my leg.

11: I came home from school getting ready to walk in the door. When U did my dad started screaming. Cursing. He was angry. He was yelling at me for forgetting for cleaning my room. He slammed my head on the door knob to the front door. Luckily no one was around to see it. I had to lie to my mom. "I was playing soccer with some friends at recess (which I finally had including my best friend) and a guy kicked the ball at my head on accident and I fell on the pointy part of {insert thing that had to do with recess that I don't remember what I said}. She believed me. Like always.

12/now: He doesn't really physically hurt me but definitely mentally (again all if this is probably over reacting nine of this sounds bad when I read it over and think it over). He only does small stuff, things that don't really show. He says things like, "You're a terrible daughter!", "We should have gotten rid of you years ago!", "You're worthless!".

These are a few examples of the things he does to me. I know these things arent bad compared to so many others! But I still wanted to share because I don't think Im a good fighter. I am suicidal. Im depressed. I cut almost every night now. I have tried to kill myself now three times.

But the worst part is... I shouldn't care. Its just a weakness. But for some reason I get hurt by something so little.

But what hurts even more. Is when he lies. He backs it up. He protects himself. After he hurts me he says stuff like "You know I love you right?".

All my friends think Im happy. All of my family. All the strangers around me. Except you. The person reading this right now.

QUESTION: How do I cope with the feelings of thinking I'm over dramatic and worthless?

ADVICE: Show people who you love that you love them and make it VERY obviouse.