BULLIED

Submission 1016

Hi. I am 13 years old and I have been a victim of bullying since I was around 7 years old. However the bullying I went through in primary (middle school I think I don't know about American education) was minor but traumatising. In primary I was called many many rude words but that was mostly because they knew I was insecure about my appearance.

When I was younger I was, um, sexually attacked. Like really younger, age of 4 or 5 and I remember being locked in the girls bathroom... Screaming and crying.. No one came.

Firstly, I have been bullied a lot by a boy at my school who makes my life miserable. We used to be close friends until he began to spread rumours about me which escalated into bullying. It has been going on for a year and a half now and whenever I had informed my teacher about what was going on, he seemed really unbothered and he would speak to the boys but it wouldn't make an impact at all. I tried several times to let him know that the way he was treating me wasn't OK nevertheless he didn't care and then the whole class began to join in on the taunts and snide remarks. I would always hope that someone in my class would step in and support me but nobody apart from my best friend and close friend would help me out whenever this occurred. Instead the people I had trusted would laugh and joined in.

I went to the leadership team at my school and nothing happened. I went to several teachers and staff members for advice and support still it would continue and everyone in my year group knows about it. They believed I was a freak, a joke and they continue to call me names which I refuse to mention as they are beyond despicable. One time, they wrote a song about me and how I am anxious and tend to faint a lot. The words they call me involve 'slut' and they discuss vulgar topics about my appearance and lifestyle choices which haven't really helped in my case at all. The worst name that they have called me however was probably a name of a disease which rhymes with my name.

During this process, my close friend got involved too. She used to self harm and she would often enjoy inflicting pain upon herself due to what he would do. He would treat her horribly by actually saying to her face that she deserved to die. I was horrified and appalled when she told me the things they used to do to her. She had informed several staff members that she wished to move classes but nothing had taken place back then. Even now, we are still in the same classes as the bullies and it doesn't help our case at all.

Anyhow, after recent events, I received a new form tutor. I spoke to him about the crisis and he said he would support us. Surprisingly he helped us out a lot... but something else unexpected happened. A group of boys in my class who were involved a little bit are now going to be excluded due to the bullying. I am not sure if I want this to happen and I try to talk to people but nobody seems to listen or give genuine advice. I am not bothered by Bully getting excluded - temporarily or permanently. However I feel as if I have forgiven them because everyone has joined in and even though they deserve punishment, this situation is too much. I also figured that informing a member of staff would change the situation slightly but it didn't instead it got worse. They constantly talk about me during class and how I am nothing but s*** after I had told the teacher. They blame me for getting them into trouble despite the fact that they apparently "didn't even do anything."

My protests go unheard of however and I am so tired of everything. I think about moving schools but the emotional damage is too much and I worry that their "connections" might mean that other pupils may detest me. I am tired of crying and lying to people that I care about. All I can think about is death, death, death and how good it would feel if I surrendered and gave up. It is exhausting when people betray me and mock me and don't care if I cry or wish to die. I just want somebody to love me and tell me everything is going to be ok but I feel like I am coming on as needy and all the kids in my class think I am attention seeking. They blame my friend as well as well and they call her a snitch, a snake and a waste of space. I feel as if I am unnecessarily being a burden upon her and everyone continues to tell me to stay away from her as it is my last chance before "WORSER things" might happen, but I don't care. I cried so much today and some of my close friends told me not to give up but I don't think that it is possible too. They would be better off without me and perhaps the bullies would feel guilt if I did die - fingers crossed.

I don't really know what else to say really. I guess I could say it is impacting my learning because there is probably a lot of tears on my assignments. The worst thing I think is the seating plan because I sit next to Bully in a few subjects and I know he will make comments about me except he swore that he would make me commit suicide if it was the last thing he had to do. I am not expecting much however since the teachers promised me he would be expelled and he might not risk anything. Some teachers don't understand and I tried to plead a teacher to move my seat but she refused to do so.

Most of all, however, I wish I had never said anything in the first place. I could have silently dealed with it but now that I "snitched" I have no idea what is going to happen and I am so terrified of going to school on Monday I think I might hyperventilate and faint which shouldn't happen because then they will taunt me relentlessly. Recently they have been saying that I was making false accusations against them and now apparently I am going to get in trouble.

So... yeah.. I honestly don't know what else to say. I've always hated myself since I was bullied sometimes in primary school too but the verbal abuse recently has been extremely traumatic. I wish that someone would be there for me everywhere I go so pupils would shut their mouths around me. Everyone knows because the group of boys are popular and so I don't want to deal with them ever again.

Moreover, my best friends have tried to be supportive which I am glad for even though it doesn't help the situation. Two of my close friends found out I was bisexual and they had a negative response. One of my close friends promised she wouldn't judge me but she acts so weirdly around me. My other close guy friend told the girl he liked on apps such as Whatsapp and Snapchat that I was bi and she told so many people. I am disappointed that he broke his promise and nothing they say or do will affect the fact that I will never be able to trust anyone ever again.

Right now, everyone is trying to get a petition signed hoping I will leave school. We have over 300 people in my year and 1500 people in my school. Majority signed the declaration and I wish I never existed.