BULLIED

Submission 836

Ok, so this is my bullying experience:

It all started in 2nd grade. I was having my very first pitching lesson so my couch would pull me aside when I messed up, he had pulled my aside and told my what I was doing wrong and my older sister threw the ball at me. It hit my eye and I fell and blacked out. The next day I woke up with a black eye so my mom allowed me to stay home. The day after I stayed home the black eye didn't get a lot better, but I still had to go to school. I went to school and a bunch of my classmates started to laugh and point at me. Classmate1 said that I was abused at home (at the time I wasn't). I said I wasn't and started to cry. They all laughed again and talked about me and started a bunch of rumors, eventually I came crying home.

In 3rd grade I thought that the bullies went away because for the first few months I was ok and there was no problems. Well boy was I wrong. Within the next few days a boy, let's call him bully1, started talking crap about me because I had only two friends at the time and straight A's. He would say stuff like hey asswipe, what's the answer? And then everyday it got worse, he then started to bully my twin sister to. It got so bad that he poured a cup of pincher bugs on me. I told the principal and he suspended him, but only as long as they let him, for three days. When bully1 got back, he was pissed and it got worse. I was then too scared to tell anyone because at that point, they didn't believe me.

In 4th and 5th grade, I was bullied...once again. Bully2 would look at my answers during tests and when I told him to stop copying me, he raised his hand and said I was asking for the answers. The teacher believe him because he had better grades than me, and gave me a zero. Bully3 laughed and then everytime I coughed or had to use the bathroom or sneezed, ect. he would laugh and make jokes about me. Once I farted and bully 2 and 3 said ewww that's gross, only guys can do that. I felt like crap and ended up crying in the bathroom. From then on I would fake being sick to skip school.

In 6th grade I was put in a beginning band class and was chosen to play the drum set. A few weeks later, there was two new kids, they were both boys. They were really quit so I tried to talk to them and make friends. They ignored me so I just said whatever and stopped trying. A few months later them, bully 4 and 5, would call me names and flip me off saying be natural. At that point I was being abused at home (only when my dad and mom were mad) a little physically but mostly verbally so I was really sensitive and started to tear up. They said wow are you really crying over that. And started laughing and pointing. From then on, they would bully me everyday. I eventually told th teacher and he said he'd handle it. I said ok but he never did handle it, he just moved friend1 over by us. That did nothing and it got worse, they called us lesbian and then I cried. A few days later, I walked over to sit with a group of "my friends" like I always did and they said stuff like get away we don't know you. I said what are you talking about. And they said sorry we don't hang out with weirdos. I saw my twin sister and asked what was going on. She said who are you. I said what are you talking about, I'm your twin. She said well sorry I don't know you creep, get away before I tell the dean your bothering us. I ran away crying. When I got home I ran into my room and cried and cried and cried while I was looking for my dad's gun. I told a girl who I was getting to know better aka friend2 that I couldn't take it anymore and that I was going to kill myself. She called me and on the other end she could barely get the words 'don't do it, please don't' out of her mouth before bursting into tears. I put the gun down and continued to sob. She comforted me and no joke, literally saved my life. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here telling you my story. The rest of the year, I was battling depression, but it was slowing getting better.

In 7th grade (the grade I am currently in right now) in the beginning of the year my uncle, my father figure who helped me with the bullying, passed away. I will never forget that moment when they took him off life support and he opened his eyes, smiled and then a tear rolled down his face. My father figure was gone. It hurt like hell. A few months later (this month, last Friday) my depression got worse and I was exiting the stage of denial and entering the stage of depression. On a Friday, I had jut got "roasted" and I was tearing up (NOT because of this). Bully6, 7, 8 and 9 all started laughing while bully7 said hey guys she's crying because bully 8 roasted her. For the 3rd time this year, the whole class laughed at me. I told them that that wasn't why I was crying and then bully7 asked why. She continued to ask, did you loose someone? I answered with a nod and wiped my tears away. She said I'm sorry for your loss in a sarcastic way and then laughed. (This was in 1st period). At lunch friend2 (one who saved my life) left the table before the rest of us finished our food with friend 3, 4, and 5. They left their trash for us to pick up, like usual. A staff member started chewing us out when we left the table but we told her it wasn't our trash. She asked who's it was and we pointed out friend2 and 3 (friend3 was my "bestie" since preschool... until she beat me up... the rest of them won't believe me) because they were the most visible and then we all high fived each other saying they finally have to clean up after themselves. Well friend 2, 3, 4, and 5 saw that and blamed me. We were all in a circle and they were all talking. I tried to ask friend2 (one who saved my life) what they were taking about and she ignored me and said so friend6? And I kept tapping her shoulder but she continued to ignore me and said are you ok friend 4? I ran to the bathroom crying and then all of the horrible memories flooded into my head and all I could think about was cutting and killing myself. Eventually the bell rang for class, and I walked alone. When the bell rang for 6th period to get out and us to get home, I ran home as fast as I could. I was crying the whole way. I ran inside to my room, grabbed my blade, went into the corner of the room blocked by my older sisters bed, and started to cut as the memories came back. Eventually I cut so much that I had blacked out. That was my second suicide attempt, and first time cutting. Cutting became my only way of coping with my problems so I continued to do it. About a day later, I took a bunch of tests and was diagnosed with 2 types of anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder. I just want to let all the bullies out there know that after a while, words hurt. And to answer your question... yes, I'm still being bullied and struggling with these disorders, and no, the bullying has not gotten better...it has gotten worse.

QUESTION: If you have already told an adult, and the bullying still hasn't stopped, how do you stop it?

ADVICE: For all of you who think your alone? I did/still do but even if you do t have anyone to talk to or listen to you...there is a lot of people going through the same things as you. The devil tells us that nobody understands, but that isn't true. I understand. Ik this is cheesy but.. strong and know that you are beautiful and have a purpose in this cruel world.