BULLIED

Story 368

This is a story and a statement. You can decide for yourself what you want it to be.

I don't know how it started. I don't know why it started.

I don't know why I didn't stop it.

I don't know why I didn't speak up.

I would come in to class, fearing all the older kids. You see, I skipped two years of school. My last year of preschool and kindergarten were too easy for me and I intellectually had to be at a higher level. I never really prided myself for being so knowledgable. I knew I was smart, but it wasn't something I really bragged about. I had good grades, I had good attendance, I had good discipline. The teachers called me a star student. They told the other students to rather than look down on me because I'm younger, but to look up to be because I'm a model student. This was good for my self confidence and it felt good. I was happy with who I was. Note: was. past tense. Who am I now? Well, I don't know. Some people call me the druggie, others say I'm a prostitute. To some people I'm even a mistake. In my youth years I was something to look up to. I was a star student. I was smart and always passed in assignments. Until people started saying stuff to me. They started with nerd and geek in the younger years. As we got older, it came to a point where they were all saying I only seemed so smart because I bribed my teachers with sex. It was terrible. I started to feel like nothing I had worked for ever really paid off. I wasn't born smart. My mom and I worked my ass off when I was 5 years old trying to teach me. I was determined and I wanted to learn. So, they let me learn. But now living in this 21st century world I guess you are not allowed to be smart. You are not allowed to have goals. Pretentious goals I set for myself became another thing they could tear me apart for. The bullies spoke to me like I was worthless. They made me feel like being smart was nothing. They told me to give it up. And so I did. I let their words break me. I started doing drugs. I flipped off my teachers and walked out of the building I once told my mom that I wanted to live in because I loved it so much. I let these people drag me down. They called me a druggie. So I became one. They called me worthless. So I let myself be worthless. In this world it's so hard to be yourself and be who you want to be. I don't want to put this label on the whole world because of course, the entire worlds population is not self conceded narcissists, but the ones who are have decided they're so great they can make the world their own. They can change people who are themselves and who are happy into what they think all of society should be. We call this mess of a world a society? And you know, there was a day when I would never say this was a mess. I wouldn't think one day I'd be laughing at the world we live in. This world is so tight and isn't going to budge. One group thinks one thing, and another something else. If you're not what society wants you to be, you're supposedly not good enough. But I just want to tell you, because I wasn't what they wanted me to be, I have now inserted all sorts of chemicals in my body and I have done so many drugs I don't even know how I'm alive right now. And you know, sometimes I feel like what the hell? What does it matter if I'm not here? I'll let the world come to a sensus someday and they can stick to their own device. But then I rethink it. And I think, yes, there is some things in this world that need to be fixed. I see the flaws in today's society. But I know that everything has hope. If I had given up the hope, I wouldn't be sitting here to day. I might be a snappy, self destructive bitch, but I'm here, and I'm okay. I stopped doing drugs. I reminded myself that the only person who I can change is myself. And the only person who can change me is myself. The only goddamn person lighting the joint is me. The only person injected the harmful chemicals into my body is me. These bullies fucking raised me but that doesn't mean I have to become their creation. They told me every day to give up what I want in life and throw it all away. They told me it would never come. But I'm not theirs. I'm myself and my mother didn't raise me to lose me to society. |

So this is a note I wrote in my journal to myself in 2010. It is now five years later, and I'm in Princeton University, studying law. I read this note I wrote and I wonder why I hated the world so much. But now I read these stories of all the people who have been hurt and tossed around like they're nothing. I read this and it breaks my heart. There shouldn't have to be over 300 stories about bullying experiences. And what's even more sad is the fact that this isn't all of them. There's thousands, even millions of people who have been bullied or are being bullied. It's awful to see this. It breaks my heart. And I know in this journal entry I wrote about how terrible the world is, but I see now how many beautiful people there are in the world. There is someone who took the time to start a book on wattpad dedicated to bullying stories and raising awareness for the awful things that happen to the amazing people in this world. There are people like myself 5 years ago who feel like there's no hope. They let themselves be victims instead of survivors. But let me tell you this: Every single one of you who has been bullied is a survivor. You are a victim, but you survived, and you continue to survive. You may not think you prosper, but every day you wake up with enough strength in yourself to shake up the whole world. Everyone of you is strong. A lot of people think that strength is having cancer, or being shot, or battling a terrible wound. And yes there is strength in that and they're all terrible things but I don't think we recognize enough the pain that is caused on a day to day basis by bullying. People have taken their own lives in fear of the world. They give up on themselves thinking they have nothing left. And I can tell you, it's hard. It sucks. The world isn't fun and it's definitely not easy, but you are all so strong, and being able to come out on top after all you've been through is amazing. Your strength amazes me. And if you can't see your own strength and you don't know it's there, that's okay. You might not recognize it now, but one day it will come. You will see how strong you are to have battled all this. You have always been strong and someday you'll be able to look at yourself and say you made it. Each and everyone of you deserve an award for strength. If you feel like all hope is gone, look at me. I'm not the most inspiring person, I'm not perfect and I surely do things wrong sometimes, but after years of battling these bullies, drugs, and even myself, I came out on top. I'm alive. I'm here, and I am doing what I love. I'm where I want to be, and there's nowhere else I want to be. All of you people fighting, I hope that one day you can say the same to yourself. You can be happy, and you are strong. Keep fighting, all of you. It gets better once you let it get better. Don't let them drag you down.

You are strong.

You are beautiful.

You are you.

And you are amazing.

Life will drag you down.

People will do awful things.

But remember who you are and who you want to be in the end.

You will be okay.

You are okay.

You don't need to end it.

You don't need to let it hurt you.

You just need to breathe.