Kwentong Kolehiyo

Ang Mga Alaala, Hindi Lumilipas Kung Sinasariwa

It was a Friday night when you told me you couldn't do it anymore. We were sitting at the pav near the library that day. At around 6pm, you ended it. Officially. With me. And I swear it felt like my heart is literally getting ripped out of my chest. I thought I knew pain because I was operated twice and recovery took longer than expected. But on that day, I realized a different kind of pain. One that sticks. One that probably never goes away.

God, I miss you.

At first, medyo hopeful pa ako that things will eventually be okay because that's how much I loved you. I thought we had it all. I honestly thought I was gonna marry you. Meron na nga akong wedding plans eh. Oh, diba. We were together for 5 years. 5 beautiful years. Pero ayun, for me lang pala beautiful. I loved you so much that even after 2 years, I am here writing about you now while you moved on with this other girl. Siguro nga, sobrang hopeless romantic ko lang. I mean, two years is a long time. Other people take, like a couple of months to move on. And yet, I'm not over you. But I guess, that's what happens when you love someone too much and when you plan your whole future with them in it only to end up being left.

I was with a friend before I went to meet you kasi nga sabi mo we need to talk. Wala akong class that day but I haven't seen you in a week so I waited til your class is over just so I can see you. Yup, that's me. Matagal tagal na rin tayong hindi okay nun, so I was expecting that you'd try to patch things up with me. Imagine how wrong I am. Pag dating mo nun, you immediately told me that I should let you talk first. Well, sanay ka lang siguro na ako lang ang nagsasalita or nagkkwento. But that's just because I wanna share my day with you. I wanna share my life with you. I thought you wanted those things. I didn't know it was one of those things that made you want to leave me. I'm sorry. You started talking and told me that you can no longer see me in your future. May metaphor ka pa ngang ginamit e. Sabi mo, it's as if you were on a plane alone. Before kasi, you see me there sitting beside you. Pero ayun nga, mag-isa ka na lang. I tried really hard not to cry kasi sabi mo you didn't wanna make a scene inside the university. Marami pa rin kasing tao nun e. So I'm really sorry if I cried. Ginamit mo pa ako nung classic break up line na, ""It's not you. It's me"" Tapos kumuha ka pa ng lines from Starting Over Again. Was I that worthless to you that you didn't even make an effort to give me your own version of closure? Siguro nga.

I begged you not to leave me. Medyo bobo move nga yun eh. Di lang bobo, pathetic pa. I looked into your eyes and they don't recognize me anymore. Dun ko narealize na kahit anong pagmamakaawa o pag-iyak pa ang gawin ko, you will never see me the same way you did before. You have lost your love for me and there's no way I can get it back. Pero syempre, the stupid person that I am wouldn't accept that fact. I still loved you. I still wanted you. And I couldn't let you go. Sabi mo pa, maybe someday we'll still end up together. Ano ako, spare tire? Tanga ko naman para maniwala, diba? But I did. And then, you told me that you're done pretending. Pretending to love me. Pretending to be happy. Basta yun. Sa lahat ng mga sinabi mo, yun ang pinakamasakit. Parang lahat ng nakita at naramdaman ko galing sayo, out of pretense lang. But I appreciate your honesty. Hindi ko lang talaga maintindihan where I went wrong. Or why your feelings changed. Lagi mo kasi ako nirereassure na hindi mo ako iiwan. I thought those was true. Sana hindi mo na lang ginawa yun para hindi ako umaasa that I will be with you til the end. I was just so wrong about you. Kaya medyo disappointed din ako sa sarili ko for not seeing that.

My love for you consumed me. It's bad, really. It's bad when you're always the one who loves more.

But di ko makakalimutan yung pre-Paskuhan concert nung 2011. We held hands while we watch Parokya perform. Onti lang kasi yung tao nun. We were standing at the bench nun, and I loved the way your eyes looked then. I can see that you're happy. And that's all I ever wanted for you. I'm glad you get to see your favorite band perform up close. Wish I could relive that night.

But I have to forget about you.

If you're reading this, I hope you're happy. I hope you have found the happiness you've been wanting for so long sa kanya. I'm sorry I failed to give it to you.

Know that you'll always be the love of my life.

Jollibee 
2011 
Faculty of Engineering