Kwentong Kolehiyo

To The Boy I Loved Like No One Else

Hey, you. It has been 2 months since I tried to stop talking to you. It seriously feels like hell, but they say I have to. I have to move on and forget about you. But how? We've been friends for almost seven years and how... how do you expect me to do that?

I guess you wouldn't really know. You've never been in love with your best friend before.

Well, if that happens... it sucks, by the way.

It would be full of patagong tingin, ngiti, kilig, at sakit.

Hahaha. Remember that time I confessed to you? And you said, ""Thank you. I appreciate it."" I didn't know how to react to that. God! Should I be happy? Hahahaha. Kasi nga naman you said thank you. Pero hay nako! I always thought there was something special between us. But I guess I was wrong. Again.

The summer of our junior life in high school, you said that it wouldn't change things. And yes, it didn't. I thought it didn't.

If it did, it only made our friendship stronger.

I knew that when you said thank you, it was a clear sign that I should move on. But I didn't. It only made my feelings stronger.

Senior year! Ha. Probably the best year of my life. And probably for you too. You found someone who likes you. It started with ""Trip trip lang."" But then everything became serious. Yung dating asaran at katuwaan lang, naging katotohanan na.

And I was happy for you. Really. But I wasn't happy with how I found out. I had to find out from our mutual friends. And here I thought nothing would change.

I let it go. I didn't make a big deal out of it. After all, who was I to get mad at you for that? I wasn't in place.

Final exams. Everything was complicated. Stress sa bahay, sa school at sa'yo. I talked to one of our mutual friends. Just to get rid of my frustrations. He was really good in advice-giving. But then that didn't really work out when he said you were 'enlightened', that 'naliliwanagan ka na sa mga bagay-bagay'. And as a girl, I couldn't help but make things out of it.

But then... I saw you sitting with her during our break. You guys were smiling and you were teaching her something about math. Even though it was our exams and sila mastery pa lang kasi lower year siya. Naliwanagan ka nga. Naliwanagan ka sa feelings mo sa kanya. Grabe! Parang ewan akong dumeretso ng library nun. Paano kasi! Umasa nanaman ako. I'm so stupid. The mutual friend that I talked to saw me and approached me. I told him what happened and you know what he said? G*go ka daw. Bakit ka kaya naging G*go? Ngayon lang ako nakarinig ng taong sinabi yun tungkol sa'yo. It's still a mystery until now.

Yung time na yun, I decided. It's over. I need to move on. I need you out of my life even if you weren't a distraction. I just need you out of my system.

During our graduation practices, nods and hellos lang exchanges natin. Sa facebook, tanong lang sa ganito or sa ganyan. Kung ano gagawin bukas. Kung napanood ko na ba tong anime na to or hindi. Haha. We were talking, but we weren't. Parang skeleton lang pag-uusap natin. Walang laman.

Before our graduation day, you messaged me. You told me to proofread your speech. And I did. I told you to revise some paragraphs. Your speech was really funny and it made me smile. And then it happened. Nagkalaman yung pinag-uusapan natin. We told each other not to cry the next day. We even placed a bet on it. You also said that you wouldn't replace me once you go to your dream school, the one with the big blue eagle.

But then I thought you should. It would probably make things easier for the both of us. I never told you that, though.

After graduation, I stopped talking to you. Our facebook chats were empty and it made me feel empty. Every night I'm reminded of us when I'm on facebook. Paano ba naman kasi! Nasa tuktok ka ng listahan ng online! I was on the verge of unfriending you. But I didn't. You'd know something was wrong. And I didn't want that. But then again, napaisip ako. Hahaha. Hindi mo man lang ako hinanap. Grabe. Sabagay may love life ka. All these things entered my mind.

Moving on sucks!

And then... the other day I talked to our mutual friend. I couldn't help but ask about you guys. Yes, yes. Alam ko hindi dapat. Hay. You know what he said? You guys were over. I wasn't happy. Probably because you suck at dealing with a broken heart. Like me.

And boom! Those two months were gone again. You messaged me and we exchanged. We started talking again. Just like before.

But you know what? I'm not going to chase you anymore. I'm not going to wait for you anymore. I'm done with it. I'll just keep on loving you from a distance. It's much better that way, right?

Don't worry though, I'll keep on being your friend. I'll guide you through your steps. I'll be your friend or maybe a sister too. Basta, hindi na ko maghihintay. smile emoticon

And good luck in your one big fight! I do hope you meet the right girl for you there and that you will never experience this. And that if you do meet her, she will return your feelings. And that she will love you like I do. Or better.

Reach for the stars, pre. I know you'll do great. Ikaw pa. Ikaw talaga dapat valedictorian eh. Bitter pa rin ako tungkol dun. Hahaha joke lang.

I don't know if you'll see this...

But hey, I love you. Mapakaibigan or mapakapatid.

Tsubaki
2020
Faculty of Engineering