Kwentong Kolehiyo

Ballpen (Reply)

To my biggest what if

Yung araw na tumawid ako at di ko napansin na paparating ka pala, nagbreak kami ng boyfriend ko. I just found out na he wasnt going with me sa Australia, na matagal na naming plano, ang magwork doon. I found out na he was just faking all the things that he said to me and he threw away all his application papers and that he wasnt really interested. My family lives in Australia that's why I am really destined to be there after I graduate. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, ayoko na. Di ko na sya pipilitin. I cannot imagine how he managed to act like he's really into going with me but the truth is niloloko lang pala nya ko. Kaya nakipagbreak ako sakanya. He was my long time boyfriend. We were together since highschool. Kaya nung araw na nakita mo ko, it was just right after I cried inside the chapel, kaya siguro you said na I look like a mess and pale. Hindi talaga kita napansin. Wala ako sa wisyo nun. When you added me in Facebook, I did not recognize you. And yes, my profile's visible to anyone. I accept every friend request. "Maganda ka pala. Pwede pambato ng college nyo." Wow. Thank you. As far as I remember, you haven't told me that I am pretty, laging sinasabi mo lang, "Ayos pormahan natin ngayon ah!" "Ganda ng buhok mo ngayon ah!" And by those gestures na para lang tayong "bros", I never knew that you like me pala. There are times that I wanted to assume, but I keep on denying it and setting it aside because what if you're not into me pala? And besides, I'm still suffering from a major heartbreak. You asked me before kung may someone ako. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you what really happened between me and my boyfriend. I just don't want to talk about it because everytime I do, it just brings back the memories that we shared which made me cry every single night. I'm sorry naging mailap ako at pinili kong itago nalang. Maybe that was also my way of moving on that time. Months have passed and we became closer. Nakakalimutan ko na din yung boyfriend ko nun, wala din kaming communication na. You were my happy pill. You always make me laugh. You are one of the people that I consider important to me. Kasi you taught me how to continue my life without the guy that I thought I'd be with forever, you became a very good friend to me. One night, you asked me if you can drop by, pero I told you I can't see you because I have lots of things to do. I'm sorry I lied. I was with my boyfriend that night. He showed up and told me that he realized he can't live without me and that he's currently processing his papers for him to be able to get his visa para matuloy kasama ako. We became together since that night. Kaya nung mga sumunod na araw, i was beyond happy. Those were the times na you would tell me ""blooming mo ngayon ah!"" And that you would ask me why is it that I am so happy and hyper. I'm sorry I never told you about us getting back together. I'm sorry I got afraid na baka magka gap tayo and that you'll become distant pag nalaman mong may someone ako because you might think na baka pagselosan ka or what. And besides, he's not studying sa UST naman. He's from UPLB that's why we don't see each other often. So I thought that it's ok and hindi na din naman kasi natin pinag uusapan yung love life ko. I know I'm an ass for not telling these things to you before. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit. Naguguluhan din ako. I love my boyfriend. But I don't want us to have an issue about it. That's why I kept it. And honestly, hindi lang ako sayo nagtago. My boyfriend knew how we became friends during the time na heartbroken ako sakanya. At first he gets jealous but I assured him that you and I are just friends, that's why he's ok with you. But just like you, di nya alam lahat. He didn't know that we go out during weekends with friends or sometimes just the two of us. At alam nya din na alam mong may boyfriend ako, which is hindi mo naman talaga alam. Sobrang sorry for being a douche. Ngayon, narerealize ko na kung bakit. Maybe there was a part of me saying that I like you but I can't, because I have a boyfriend that time, pero I keep on denying those thoughts inside my head. Nung graduation ko, I saw how you looked at me, and it was different. I saw the sadness in your eyes and I felt guilty. That's when I realized how stupid I am for not being honest with you. Alam kong nashock ka because it was obvious but I just acted normally. We watched the fireworks together, but that moment it was odd. It wasn't like how we watch the fireworks during Paskuhan. Parang ang bigat bigat. Then, I knew about your surprise. I knew about everything right after you decided to be cold and distant. Your bestfriend told me. I bet hindi mo alam. I cried because of guilt and I was also hurt. Iniwan mo kasi ako bigla. Kaya nung bigla ka di nagparamdam, I accepted it. I felt like I don't have the right to ask why you're not talking to me anymore. Kaya wala ka din narinig galing sakin. Months after graduation, natuloy ako sa Australia. Di sumama ang boyfriend ko because something came up and I just had to give it up. I worked there for 2 years. Pero my heart wants what my heart wants. Bumalik akong Philippines. Dito ko gusto magwork. No one knows I'm here. I'm not fond of posting my pictures in social media now unlike before. All my recent photos were taken in Australia, and no one knows that I already came back and that I'm staying here in Palawan. I wasn't with my boyfriend anymore. Because unfortunately LDR didn't work for the both of us. But we're still friends and finally moved on from being ex lovers. Your best friend was the one who showed me your post here in UST Files. Also, yes, I am following this page but I don't get to read all of the stories here. Nagulat lang ako when she messaged me the link yesterday, and told me to read it. We talked for a while. i told her na nandito na ako and nalaman kong di na din pala kayo nakakapag usap. So here I am, I would like to say sorry. And that I regret not telling you everything before. I just want you to know that I miss you. I miss us. And I'm really hoping that we can be friends again. It was hard for me to accept that you weren't there for me anymore during the time that you've decided to stay away from me. Totoo nga yung sabi nila, mas masakit yung break up ng magkaibigan, kesa sa boyfriend. When I was waiting in the airport, I checked my phone every second to see if you'll message me "have a great flight!" just like before everytime I will go somewhere for vacation. I really miss everything between us. Reading your post just made me realize how stupid I am for letting you go, a person that I truly cherish and that will never leave me no matter what. I'm sorry. I'm deeply sorry. I hope that we can be friends again. Not only in facebook, but in real life too. I know nasaktan ka, nasaktan din ako, pero I'm really hoping that we can resolve this and be normal again just like before. It takes time. But I hope it will happen soon.

DongA 
2009 
College of Architecture