Kwentong Kolehiyo

Lesbihonest

December 23, 2014

More than three years ago, I decided to study in UST. The reason might be petty to some but it was only because it was the school my girlfriend got in to. Things were going real good during the summer of 2012. We enrolled together, bought our uniforms and what not. Then classes started. First few weeks were good we have these dates, movie nights, sleepovers. Then gradually things started to change. She started bailing on me. We would even meet just once a month and all we do was eat and talk about school. Then a day in December she texted me "Uy free ka today? I have to tell you something, can I go to your house?" And of course being the obedient partner I dropped my plans for that day hoping we could patch things up. I went home and waited for her then she texted me to go outside - and I did. What I saw in front of me shattered my heart. You were standing there intimately holding hands with your blockmate. All I can think of that time was "What are you trying to do?" Then you spoke. Sabi mo boyfriend mo na siya, kayo mga ilang weeks na. I literally just broke down I don't even have the courage to mutter a single word. I went back inside and cried my heart's content for days.

I haven't spoke to you since that day until a 2 months later. You went to my house crying. You said he cheated on you. And there I was comforting you like nothing happened. We spent a night like we used to. I felt alive again. But when morning came you said you couldn't stay and left me puzzled again. And that's when everthing started. All I could do was to drink, drink, drink, and drink. It felt like the only thing to numb me was alcohol. This went on for a few weeks and only stopped when I had alcohol poisoning. Then it has begun - the resume of classes in 2013. By that time I was already hard as a rock but when I saw you again (since we are on the same campus) everything came back. So I started drinking again. My routine was to drink after class then it went to cutting then finally to not going to school at all anymore. All I do was drink everyday from morning to evening. And the sad part is she has no idea what I'm going through. And as the semester ended, my vices took its toll on me. My grades were all Withdrew without Permission or Failure due to Absence AKA a sem average of 5.0. And guess what, that disqualifies me for a readmission the next sem. So I got debarred. And still even after that I still keep on drinking because of you.

2014 came. I met this person. He was amazing. He made me feel I was greater than my battles. He showed me life is worth living. He gave me new hope. Everything was perfect between me and him. People saw the old me was back. I was happy. But you know some things just don't work out after a few months but he and me ended on a great note and we are still great friends. But I still can't forget about her. The one who shattered me. It has been half a year since you left me that morning. I decided to come see you and talk thinks through and have the closure I deserve. And we did. You said that it was hard handling the judgment of people when they hear you were in a same sex relationship. You were tired of people giving you remarks. You felt like you needed a man which clearly I am not. You said letting me go was the hardest decision you made. You said if I were a guy, you would chose me. But life is unfair to both of us. We couldn't get everything we wanted. After that I went home with a heavy heart. I didn't talk back but I wanted to say to her that I am sorry for causing you the trouble of having people judge and make remarks toward you. I'm sorry our love wasn't enough to conquer it all. I'm sorry I wasn't born with a "Y" chromosome. I truly am. I love you, always will and I hope you do, too. Even if it's in a different way.

And okay let's go back to the present. December of 2014. A few months after that talk. You asked me if I was free and I said I was. We met in in our fav coffee place. We conversed like before. We are both happy now. You with him and me - with a new guy I've been dating for a few weeks now. You said that hopefully I found someone worth loving. You wished that he makes me happy the way I made you happy. And I think he really is the one who'd complete me. The one I'm matched with. My partner in crime. 

With this story, I really meant to say that you should be thankful to your first heartbreak. They may cause you pain that time but later you'll find it was worth it because you wouldn't find that "perfect" one.

If anyone was wondering my ex girlfriend and I were together all our high school years. She is my best friend and still is.  Also, though I stopped my schooling because of that I am glad to say I am coming back!! Will enroll in CSB soon. Oh plus the guy I am dating, he is amazing. Accepted me even if I was tibo. Even if I was a dropout. Even if I had vices. Thank you so much. Let's stay at the pace we are at, okay? 

Ellen DeGeneres
College of Commerce and Business Administration