Kwentong Kolehiyo

Suicide is not the best answer

At a very young age, specifically two years old, I lost my mother because she committed suicide. My father, who is a very committed man: to his vices, mistresses, and alcohol constantly beat my mother every day in front of me when she was alive. Then came a time when she finally chose to give up. I still remember my mom whispering "You will be stronger than me, I'm sorry. Forgive me, my son. I love you." as she drank the so-called "sleeping juice" in front of me. When I was five, my father married his one of his mistresses (because he impregnated her) and they bore a daughter named Chelsea. I remember my step-mom attempting to drown me every time she gave me a bath. She would strangle me, curse at me, and hit me. As time went, when I was already ten, I got diagnosed with brain tumor, my father and step mom talked, and they’ve decided to completely disown me. I was literally put up for adoption. None of my relatives would adopt me because one: I am sick and was “about to die”, two: I did a terrible job in school and was constantly sent to the disciplines office for fighting back. So, in the end of the adoption story, I was then adopted by my grandmother, who accepted me wholeheartedly, fed me, cared for me, mentored me, and loved me. She paid for my brain tumor surgery and I became partially well. Life was going well until one regular school day, a phone call from the guidance office gave me an unexpected news: my grandmother died of a heart attack. I broke down in tears. It came to the point when they had to get officials to talk to me because I locked myself in the men’s room for six long hours. I sat in the cubicle and reflected: “Nobody is there for me now that she is gone. Who is gonna love me?” I was still bald that time so the bullying became thrice as worse, it came to the point that they’d beat me. I really had no friends or family. At a very young age, I was exposed to suicide. Thoughts of suicide came in every day and night. There was never a minute that passed without suicidal thoughts coming towards me. So finally, I’ve decided to commit suicide. I was in a verge of jumping from our school building for an instant death, until a group of people stopped me. They told me that they totally feel me, so I became comforted and a tagged along in their group. My friends were bullies, so I bullied too. College came by and I was eighteen, and little did I learn that my friends have become drug addicts, players, and alcoholics. While I was in the group, I was forced to have sex with random girls. I impregnated a girl named Jen, who was only sixteen that time. Love never came in my sight, until one day, I felt a different feeling, when I eyed on a girl that I eventually fell in love with. I left my “friends” because they suddenly reminded me of my parents, and also, I needed an open room for love. Yes, I courted her for three years, but eventually she declined my love when she learned about my past, my son, and my vices. Suicidal thoughts came again. This time, more, since I am running out of reasons to live. I don’t have a family, I have a son to feed, I am broke, I got fired from my part-time job, I was debarred, I have vices, I was rejected everywhere. That night, I only had one hundred pesos left in my wallet, and I rode a jeep so that I could buy a lot of food for my last meal. As I rode the jeep, we passed by a crime scene, wherein there was a little boy of poverty (I think he was five years old), crying as he screamed “BUMALIK KA PAPA!” He was continuously waking his dad up. Apparently, the boy’s father was beaten to death because he was a thief. I thought for a minute, and I remembered my mom’s death because of suicide, and I saw this boy desperate for the return of his dad, now was I about to do the same to my innocent one year old son? I immediately rode home and gave my son a big hug, and I promised to never leave him, ever.
My biological father died last year due to liver cancer. Now I am married with my beautiful wife Ann, who is a doctor, and we have a pair beautiful twins who are still in high school. My first son Marcus from Jen is graduating from a well-known college in the Philippines (the one with the eagle , I didn’t finish college first, instead, I started a small business, and it worked out. With the savings from my business, I could afford to go back to school, so I came back to college. I studied real hard, and I am going to get my Ph.D next year. My family and I are off to migrate soon. Long story short: There are times when the past will haunt you, it’s either you choose let it affect you or learn from it. Life is short, embrace it while you still can. Not everyone is privileged to have life and remain alive. Suicide is not the best answer.
PS. Mom, I did it. I became strong. I hope you’re proud of me. I love you too. Take care of lola!

No Code Name

19xx

Faculty of Arts and Letters