Kwentong Kolehiyo

Nine Mornings Part 2

December 19, 2014

Things were going pretty well. My renewed faith was making me happy; it was the happiness and inner peace I was yearning for during the times when all those problems were making their way into my life.

As usual, we were waiting for the mass to start. Ever since my return to the parish, old friends who I used to serve with in the church would see me; they would go out of their way to greet me, and we’d catch up for a little. Today, one of the collectors during the offertory, a family friend, saw us. “Uy kamusta na kayo?! Grabe, tagal ko na kayong di nakita dito ha!” she said. We were used to it by now, people surprised to see us back after a long time. We just smiled; my mom talked to her for a little bit. Then she said, “O kayo na lang ang kukunin kong magoffer mamaya ha?” We accepted.

The mass proceeded as usual. I have gotten used to seeing him as the new lay minister; in fact I was somehow amused by the way he served at the altar; his precise movements, his careful demeanor – “di makabasag-pinggan”, as they often say; makes you think that he is so mabait, so nice. But there’s this other side to him that no one knows, that only I know.

Then came the offertory part of the mass. My mom and dad were carrying the ciborium and chalice, while my brother and I were just there for the blessing by the priest. As we were in position at the center aisle, I suddenly saw him, waiting at the altar, standing beside the priest and other altar servers. Another joke, presumably made by God. He was going to be the lay minister to receive us at the altar. As the choir sang the offertory song, we made our way and marched at the altar.

Maybe, in another lifetime, or somewhere in a parallel universe, it would have been a different scenario. Maybe he was wearing a barong, but not the type worn by the lay ministers; he would have been standing there at the altar, waiting to receive not mass offerors, but a beautiful bride. Maybe I was wearing a white, elegant dress, instead of the casual dress that I am wearing right now. It was still my parents walking with me down the aisle, but holding on to me instead of the ciborium and chalice. Maybe it was our family and friends seated at the pews, all smiling (or crying happy tears), instead of these random strangers with bored/sleepy expressions on their faces. Maybe it was the sacrament of marriage instead of the sacrament of the Holy Eucharist.

Maybe we would still be together instead of far apart. My heart should have been filled with so much love for him instead of indifference (the opposite of love is not hate but indifference, they say) and bitterness.

I snapped back to reality. My parents handed the offering to the priest. We bowed our heads for the priest’s blessing. As I looked up, I saw him looking at me. He smiled at me, that charming, beautiful smile of his. My traitor heart just skipped a beat. Akala ko ba move on na?

I guess old habits die hard; as I would often do before, I smiled back at him.

All Too Well - Taylor Swift
2016
Graduate School