Kwentong Kolehiyo

To the one who was "left behind"

I was in the car then. Waiting for my sister when I saw it. I was on my boyfriend's Instagram account. I usually go on his account to check out the online shops that he follows, but this time I had a feeling. Iba e. I knew everything really. I always find out whatever I want to find out. Girls are crazy that way, I guess. I had realized that I never looked on Liked Photos. So I clicked.

I saw it then. It was a collage. One side was him. One side was her. My heart was beating so loudly in my chest that I thought my dad could hear it from the drivers seat. I didn't want to assume. But what was this girl doing posting a collage of her and my boyfriend on Instagram? So I did what I had to do. I sent it to a friend. Not just any friend. Someone I knew would be on my side no matter what. I sent it to his brother's girlfriend. She told me to calm down and na baka naman may iba silang kasama nun and hindi lang silang dalawa. Pero at that very second, I got a notification. From her. 

"******** sent you a direct message"

She had sent a private message to my boyfriend. 

And I knew. 

I just knew. I didn't want to open it. As I type this down, even though it's been months since then, I can still feel the fear of anticipation of what I would see when I opened it. 

It was another collage. But this one broke my heart, gradually. Into a million pieces. It didn't make sense to me. Because I knew him inside and out. He wouldn't cheat on me. But apparently he did, and has been. The first picture occurred 8 weeks ago, this picture just today. 

Tears fell on top of my phone screen as I tried to muffle the sounds of my cries so that my father wouldn't hear. I didn't want him to find out. No one could. I angrily wiped my tears but more and more kept falling. It hurt. So much. He was the love of my life. We weren't perfect, but I never thought he would do this. He wasn't the type. He was quiet. Reserved. And I knew that he loves me so much. 

We were going through months of a rough patch. I was busy with OJT and thesis. Maybe I wasn't making enough time for him. Maybe I demanded too much time. Maybe I just wasn't enough. But even though we would fight, and I would even bring up the option of breaking up, so we could have time apart. Hindi siya pumayag. He always says, "I will fix this. I will fix us" 

Now that I think about it, why didn't he just let me break up with him so he could be with her? 

My sister needed to buy a cake, so we went to the bakery and I went down with her. I had wiped my face and made sure to look away so she would not notice that I had been crying. "You okay?" She asked. I nodded and said, "Yeah. Just tired." Isn't that always the way?

I told my boyfriend to come over the house later and to bring my belongings that he had with him. I knew that he knew something was wrong. But I didn't want to confront him over the phone. We were much more than that. We had been together for a year and 5 months. Our families were family. I would break up with him in person. 

I said this to him through text. He was on the way home from school, he had just finished his exams. It was November 14, 2014. I will never forget that day. My sister asked me one last time if I was okay, and I broke down. I started crying in the middle of the bakery, with so many people there. "He's cheating on me" I cried to my older sister. And she held me, and for the first time in a long time I felt that I was her baby sister and not the other way around. 

When we got home, the first thing I did was look around my room. There were so many things on the shelves, in my closet, on my bed that either reminded me of him or was from him. I packed it all up and put it in a paper bag. I started to cry again as I thought of leaving not only him, but his family too who had grown to love me and treat me as a daughter. I cried for losing his Mother who I always secretly wished to be my own. I cried for his Father who spoiled me and always spoke so highly of me and my family. I cried for his sister that treated me like her baby sister. And I cried for his brother, that joked around with me and made me laugh. 

It was over. 

It was 6pm when he finally arrived. He knew that I knew. I could hear it in his voice as he called while he drove. 

When he came, I got inside his car and we stayed there in silence for awhile. My body was shaking all over. I didn't know where to start. "How could you do this to me?" "Why?" "How?" What came out was,

"How long have you been cheating on me?"

It was barely a whisper. But we both heard it, and tears started falling from my eyes as I said it. His lip started to quiver and tears started forming in his eyes also. He shook his head and reached his hands out to cup my face but I moved out of reach. 

I stared at him. He couldn't look me in the eye. How could you look at the one you love and not be sure who they are anymore? He was wearing the glasses i chose for him just the other day. The same glasses he was wearing in the picture with his whore. He was wearing a shirt that we bought together and he was wearing shorts that I had chosen for him to buy online. I was his girlfriend. I am the one he chose to share his life with. I am apart of him. 

"How could you do this to me?" I asked him. He shook his head, "Wala yun" his voice broke. "Anong wala yun?! Then what the f*** is this?" I showed him the picture on my phone. He closed his eyes and looked away. We were silent again. "I have your sh** inside. Either you stay here and wait for me or get it with me." I got out and shut the door. 

I seemed like I was so tough. But inside I was terrified. What if he never really loved me? What if siya talaga mahal niya? What if he stayed sa car and waited for me to get his things and he'll just drive home? 

But he didn't. 

He went inside and sat down on the couch, just like any other day he would be here. We would cuddle on the couch while watching a movie, with my feet tucked under his legs and his hands always finding mine. But not today. 

I dropped the paper bag in front of him,
And when he rummaged through the contents, he broke down. He saw the tshirts that he would leave here and the sweaters I stole from him. He saw the paper and plastic flowers he got me for valentines day. He saw the new sweater he bought for me. He saw the scrapbook that I was making that was full of our memories. He saw the plate that he had that was in our kitchen. He saw his cousin's water container that he left here. He saw it all. And I saw it before my eyes that it broke his heart.

And I didn't understand. 

He wiped his tears and faced me. He pulled me toward him and hugged me. I tried pulling away, "I want to break up" I said

He shook his head no as his tears fell on my shoulder. "Do you love her?" He shook his head no. "Then ano yun? What are you doing?! Lahat binigay ko sayo, I built my entire life around you. All my decisions are based on you! Lahat ng pangarap ko, binago ko so I could stay here with you, tapos ganito? Ito gagawin mo sakin?"

It was a long night. We talked til around 2am. Eventually he told me, "Alam kong tanga. Pero siguro, gusto kong makita if there was anyone else. Na...before I settled with you, I wanted to see if there was someone better than you. And wala. Okay?"

It hurt like hell to hear. But I understood. It broke my heart to shreds, but I understood. 

"You have to choose." I told him. "Ikaw." He said. "Then tell her now. End it now."

He took out his phone and we both saw it. A text from her. He then replied, "It's over. I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore, I love her." 

She replied, "Oh, hi, (my name) nice to meet you "

And my blood boiled. She knew. She knew he had a girlfriend. She then called him. She called him! He put her on speaker, "Na sakanila ka?" 

She knew he was at my house and she called him. The nerve of this girl. He said no. "Ikaw talaga nagtext nun?" She asked. It was pathetic really. I could hear her whining on the phone, "So ano ginawa mo sakin?" "Hindi ko matatanggap sorry mo!"

She knew. She knew he had a girlfriend and pumatol siya. 

Anyways, it's been a couple of months. And I guess this is what made us stronger. If we survived infidelity, we can survive anything, right? I always question him, almost every night, if he loved her. He would tell me the same thing all the time, "No. I love you. If I loved her, if wouldn't have been so easy for me to leave her."

Even back then I always knew that guys will always lose their way, just as long as they come back home to you. He promises me he won't do it again. Because he knows I will only give him one more chance, and he would lose me forever. Just one more chance. 

I still question my decision of giving him a second chance. I know people will think I'm stupid. Cheaters never change. But I won't let myself have any more regrets in life. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you.

Mille

2013

Faculty of Engineering

EDIT:
Hello po. I am the author of "to the one who was left behind" I just wanted to let you guys know, i dont know, for the drama I guess haha, that yes, my post was a response to "left behind". The author of "left behind" was my boyfriend's mistress, who claimed that she had no idea that we were still together. Just wanted to let you guys know. Since it wasn't clear.