Kwentong Kolehiyo

The Good in Goodbyes

I was always an insecure case. Growing up I always felt that I was unattractive. Fat,acne-prone,awkward haircut;I was a hopeless mess. Then I met you during the first day of classes, magkatabi tayo kasi alphabetically arranged dapat. I would never forget what you said to me nung una mo akong kinausap, sabi mo ""Pogi ko no kaya simula ngayon kaibigan na kita"". Who in their right mind would say that to a person na kakakilala mo pa lang, but your shameless-self did. You were always the popular kid sabi mo sakin buhat bangko ka rin eh pero I believed you. Sa araw-araw na kasama kita kahit nahihiya ako sayo, not once did you ever make me feel that I was beneath you. You were always there to up my esteem when I think too much of my insecurities. You were just always there for me.
Paskuhan nung second-year tayo when you asked if you could court me. I left you in the middle of the field kasi nahiya ako. Looking back my insecurities always got the best of me. And daming tanong sa utak ko but I never really got the answers to them. Bakit ako? Then nagpasukan na pero you weren't the same. You became cold and I admit, kasalanan ko.The guilt ate me up easily that everyday before going to class I would lock myself in a cubicle and wallow in self-pity. I was weak, far too weak to be the one for you. But one day you called me in the wee hours, you were crying saying how sorry you were for ignoring me and na kalimutan na lang lahat ng sinabi mo nung paskuhan bumalik lang tayo sa dati. I cried kasi narealize ko how lucky I was to have you. A person strong enough to confront a situation, a person strong enough to say sorry kahit di mo naman kasalanan. I finally had the courage after hearing those words from him to confess that I was also falling hard. Naging tayo after a month and we lasted up to the exact date of our graduation day. We were happy. So happy. You would tell me everyday that I was the best.That I would always be the only one.You would tell me about your future with me in it.Places we would go kapag nakaipon tayo. Kahit na ang daming nagsasabi na hindi tayo bagay and that you could have been with someone better, you would always tell them that whether they liked it or not that I would forever be the one.I was so thankful.Too thankful that I didn't notice that our forever was slowly coming to a halt. 
Fourth year tayo when you suddenly became distant.You were still always there but I could feel it, something was wrong. I asked you and you told me that I was only worrying too much. I believed you, I could do nothing but take your word for it. Pero nalaman ko sa kaibigan mo na may problema daw and ikaw lang daw ang makapagsasabi sakin. Pinilit ko yung kaibigan mo, he said you got somebody pregnant. I was crushed. No, I was beyond crushed. I was lost. Hindi ko alam kung pano titignan ang sitwasyon and tell myself that it was ok. I confronted you that night kahit na Finals na natin. You cried in front of me. You were hugging my legs telling me your sorry and that lasing ka nung nangyari yon. And that she's only a friend. Na huwag kitang iwan dahil kaya mo naman sustentuhan ang bata. I hugged you that night to sleep and told you it was okay. Na okay pa tayo kahit na alam ko na hindi na. You told me everything the next day and I could do nothing but try to understand you kahit masakit. I was far too in love with you na nilunok ko na lang lahat kahit na lunod na lunod na ako sa sakit. And then our graduation day came and I asked if I could have your night. You said yes. We ate out and watched a movie. Then inaya kita sa rooftop ng condo mo to watch the stars. I told you that night that I was breaking up with you. That that was the first step for me to change and become a better person. That I had to let you go. You cried begging me to take back what I said. Na hindi ko naman kailangan gawin yon dahil kaya mong sustentuhan ang bata kahit na tayo. Na hindi mo kakayanin kapag nawala ako. I hugged you and sinabing mas hindi ko yata kakayanin na isang araw may isang batang sisisihin ako kung bakit lumaki siyang walang ama. Na he's strong enough to move on from me and ibuhos na lang ang lahat ng atensyon niya sa magiging anak niya. Na one day he'll see that I was doing him a favor and it would all be worth it in the long run. I left him again crying not looking back and told myself that I would be ok. It has been five years and now I can say I'm a completely different person. I'm still fixing myself but I am getting there. Huling balita ko sa kanya ay nung nanganak yung nabuntis niya at lalaki daw ang baby. Hindi daw sila kinasal at nasa kanya ang bata. I'm sure right now he's doing a great job being a father. I would know. He's a great guy.

I'mAGuyToo 
2009 
Graduate School